it. I hadn’t been braced for him to come back into her life. And now, faced with the reality that I might lose her altogether, I realized what I’d known for weeks.
I’m in love with her.
And now this guy that I couldn’t even begin to compete with might take her from me.
I felt helpless. Panicked. A fight response triggered inside and it had nowhere to go, because I couldn’t do shit about this. All I could do was be me, and that wasn’t good enough.
A sex thing. It will only ever be a sex thing.
She raised her head and planted a soft kiss under my chin, and it almost broke my fucking heart. She was never like this with me. And as much as I loved it, it was all fueled by her feelings for someone else. He hurt her and I was here, so I got to be the one to comfort her.
But it was something. At least I could do something for her beyond just scratching an itch.
She was with me, holding me. Letting me hold her. I needed to enjoy the moment because I didn’t know how many more of them I’d get.
I squeezed my eyes shut and forced down the lump in my throat, tried to focus on her breath on my neck, her cheek pressed to my collarbone—the vulnerability she was giving me that I only ever saw when she was sleeping curled up next to me on those nights when she let me in.
I vowed to make tonight fun so she’d forget.
And so I’d have something to remember when she left.
TWENTY-FOUR
Kristen
I stumbled off the stage, laughing hysterically. Josh caught me at the bottom of the steps as I collided with his chest. I felt the rumble of his laughter through his T-shirt.
He wore the shirt I’d stolen from him the day we met. The brewery one. It looked so good on him. His broad back, his tapered waist, the fabric tight over his contoured chest. I took a deep breath and tried to capture the scent I’d smelled that day when I wore it, that masculine cedar that was Josh. Once I had it, I held my breath, not wanting to let it go.
I’d had a smidge too much to drink.
We’d taken a shot before we went on, and I had already been two beers in. We’d just rapped “No Diggity” together, and I’d cracked up through half of it. Josh was pretty good. He did dance moves and everything.
I slipped my arms around his waist, hooking my fingers behind his back, and he held me to him, smiling down at me.
I put my chin to his chest. “I’m only hugging you because those cougars over there have their eye on you,” I lied. “It’s my duty as your friend to protect you from impending cougar attacks.”
He chuckled. “Thanks for clearing that up. I was afraid for a second there you were hugging me for real.”
I would do everything with you. For real.
“I have a confession,” I said, gazing up at him. “I don’t really think you’re a bad driver.”
He gave me an amused smile.
“What?” I bit my lip.
“I’m just thinking about something Shawn said the other day. That drunks and leggings always tell the truth.”
I snorted. “I am not drunk. I’m just talking in cursive. And Shawn is an idiot. Have you ever had the urge to tell someone to shut the fuck up when they aren’t even talking? That’s how I feel literally every time I see his face.” I narrowed my eyes. “Although, there is some truth to that legging thing…”
He laughed, the smile creasing his eyes at the corners.
I pushed my lip out into a pout. “Josh? I need hot wings.”
He released me. “Yes, ma’am.”
We walked back to our red booth to a poorly sung Lola Simone song, and he placed an order.
I took a long drink of my beer. “Why do guys always sit facing the door?” I asked, licking my lips.
He smiled at me. “Do we?” He looked over my shoulder at the entrance. “Huh. I guess we do. Maybe it’s some protective instinct. So I can keep an eye out for danger. Keep my sword arm free to protect you.” His dimples flashed.
God.
Tyler was handsome in a chiseled sort of way. Like a model in a black-and-white cologne commercial. But Josh. Oh God—Josh. He melted me. He was a teddy bear. A warm, gorgeous, delicious piece of everything.
I wished I could let him in. Let him be