a shitty mother.”
Ana nods, her tearful eyes brimming with compassion.
I close my eyes and confess. “I’m scared I’ll be a shitty father.”
Ana’s fingers skim over my face, reassuring me. “Christian, do you think for one minute I’d let you be a shitty father?”
I open my eyes and stare at her.
And there it is…the Anastasia Steele glint.
So aptly named.
My warrior, fighting for me, with me, against me…for our child.
She takes my breath away.
I grin. In awe. “No, I don’t think you would.” I stroke her face. “God, you’re strong, Mrs. Grey. I love you so much.” I kiss her forehead. “I didn’t know I could.”
“Oh, Christian,” she whispers.
“Now, that’s the end of your bedtime story.”
“That’s some story.”
“How’s your head?”
“My head?”
“Does it hurt?”
“No.”
“Good. I think you should sleep now.”
Ana is not convinced.
“Sleep,” I exclaim. “You need it.”
“I have one question,” Ana says.
“Oh? What?”
“Why have you suddenly become all…forthcoming, for want of a better word? You’re telling me all this, when getting information out of you is normally a pretty harrowing and trying experience.”
“It is?”
“You know it is.”
“Why am I being forthcoming? I can’t say. Seeing you practically dead on the cold concrete, maybe.” I flinch, remembering Ana on the ground outside that derelict warehouse where Hyde was holding my sister. It’s traumatic so I turn my thoughts in a happier direction, to Junior. “The fact I’m going to be a father. I don’t know. You said you wanted to know, and I don’t want Elena to come between us. She can’t. She’s the past, and I’ve said that to you so many times.”
“If she hadn’t made a pass at you, would you still be friends?” Ana asks.
“That’s more than one question.”
“Sorry. You don’t have to tell me.” She blushes, and it’s good to see some color in her cheeks. “You’ve already volunteered more than I ever thought you would.”
“No, I don’t think so, but she’s felt like unfinished business since my birthday. She stepped over the line, and I’m done. Please, believe me. I’m not going to see her again. You said she’s a hard limit for you. That’s a term I understand.”
Ana smiles. “Good night, Christian. Thank you for the enlightening bedtime story.” She leans over and touches her lips to mine, her tongue teasing me. My body ignites, and I pull away.
“Don’t. I am desperate to make love to you,” I whisper through my desire.
“Then do.”
“No, you need to rest, and it’s late. Go to sleep.” I switch off the bedside light and we’re surrounded by the darkness.
“I love you unconditionally, Christian,” Ana whispers, as she snuggles up to me.
“I know,” I whisper, bathing in her light.
You…and my parents.
Unconditionally.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
It’s almost midnight. Apart from some exercise, I’ve enjoyed a quiet day with my wife; our only excursion has been to see Ray, who is definitely on the mend. Other than that, I’ve insisted that Ana stay in bed and rest. She’s acquiesced but has been reading a couple of manuscripts, and no amount of cajoling on my part could persuade her otherwise.
Mrs. Jones has returned from her sister’s, and this evening she prepared a hearty three-course meal for the two of us. She seems as anxious for Ana’s well-being as I am.
Ana fell asleep just after ten.
I’ve caught up on work, and now I’m poring over the notes that Mrs. Collier wrote to my mother and father while I was in her care. She has a neat and tidy hand, and her words spark small reminiscences that cast light into the dark corners of my memory.
Kristian won’t let me wash him, but he does know how to wash himself. It has taken two baths to get him clean and I’ve had to teach him how to wash his hair. He will not tolerate us touching him at all.
Kristian had a better day today. He still refuses to talk. We don’t know if he can or if he’s unable. He has a temper, though. The other kids are quite scared of him.
Kristian still doesn’t let any of us touch him. He has a meltdown if we do.
Kristian is hungry. He has a huge appetite for such a skinny little kid. His favorites are pasta and ice cream.
Our daughter, Phoebe, has taken a shine to Kristian. She dotes on him, and he’s tolerating her attention. She sits and draws with him. I don’t think he’s had a great deal of experience drawing.
Where Phoebe goes, Kristian will follow.
Today Kristian had a meltdown. He does not like to be parted from his