We both admitted what we wanted out of this, but it feels so hard to admit again. Is this crazy to want to keep them both? Be in some fucked up relationship together?
When I’m with them both, I’m free to be myself. I don’t feel so out of control. They give me stability. Ellis takes the control and Hanna takes the pain. But do I offer them anything in return? Are they happy here? And can it last?
Fuck, I don’t care.
On the day of the launch, we have to fly into the city to meet with the previous owners, sign some shit and finalize the deal. I hate this part. Fuck, I hate it all. The formalities, the paperwork. I just want to work, make the shit, and watch my company grow, so I guess I should like this more than I do.
What I do like is climbing into the two-seater with Ellis. He’s wearing a pair of dark sunglasses, his golden hair combed perfectly to the side, his broad shoulders filling out a dark blue fitted suit. He catches me staring for a moment as we sit in the helicopter before takeoff.
“You look funny flying a helicopter in a suit,” he says. “Can’t you hire someone to pilot?”
With a smile, I shrug. “Wildes belong in the pilot seat.” Then just as I start up the rotors, I glance up. “I can teach you how to fly if you want.”
His head turns in my direction, my heart practically deafening me as it beats in my chest. It’s the first time we’ve talked about anything past tonight. There is no tomorrow for us, so I know why he’s looking at me like that.
“Yeah, maybe someday.”
I don’t respond before pulling off. Ellis holds a hand up toward Hanna who is standing on the patio, watching us leave and waving with a sad smile on her face.
The ride is short but silent which makes for awkwardness when I know we both have so many thoughts rolling around in our heads.
“This trip has flown by,” he says, staring out the window.
“Yeah, it has.”
Awkward silence again.
“I couldn’t have done it without you,” I say, keeping my voice deep and calm, not letting any of my nerves show.
“Yes, you could have.” He looks at me, and it drives me wild.
Suddenly, my heart is pounding. This week is over. We’re about to sign the papers and the deal is through. Ellis won’t need to stay anymore. He’ll leave, and this whole thing will be a memory, just like Amsterdam.
Say something, Nash. Tell him to stay. Tell him you’re sorry, you piece of shit.
The words weigh heavy in my gut, so heavy I can’t speak them. I can’t bring myself to tell Ellis I fucked up, I was a coward, and what I did to him that day was the worst fucking thing I’ve done in my life, and I don’t want Hanna without him.
“You’re not going to let her go back to her mother’s, are you?” he asks coldly.
“Of course not.”
“Good. Convince her to stay on Del Rey for a while. If she could find some work and support herself, she’ll find the confidence she needs.”
He keeps talking about her like he won’t be around…of course because I told him he wouldn’t.
It grows silent again, and it feels like the moment has passed so I keep quiet, but I’m dying to tell him to stay. I wish it were that easy. But I’m not stupid, and I know it’s not.
We land a few minutes later, and then it’s a whirlwind. My dad meets us at the helipad, and the three of us walk together into Wilde Aviation headquarters where we meet with a team of lawyers, the previous owners, and even a few members of the press. My hands are shaking, so I keep them in my pockets, trying to look calm.
I think Ellis picks up on it because he doesn’t leave my side, whispering reminders in my ear every few moments, keeping me grounded.
The whole thing goes by so quickly the next moment I blink, Wilde Aviation has acquired an entire corporation and fleet of fixed wing airplanes, including three manufacturing plants, and ten thousand employees.
“You okay?” Ellis asks, his hand on my back.
Stretching my neck in this suit, feeling claustrophobic for a moment, I adjust my jacket. “I’m fine.”
I’m ready to get back to the island. The papers have been signed, and everyone is milling around the conference room talking, and