he called. He said his little brother is smart and takes care of everyone. I think I was already half in love with the guy. I’ve never been in love but Garren said I am. When I had to move, I was scared until I saw him. I knew he was safe and would take care of us all like Garren said. He really does look like a nice Ford. Télia says I need to just jump in. Ford loves him and Télia can’t wait to meet him in person.
“Mucimi told me.”
His head tilts looking cute. Garren does that too. “I wonder how they know. Right now I have some questions.” He waits for me to respond. I nod. I have a million questions that I can’t wait to ask. “Have you ever been with a man?”
“Yes.” Holy moly. Do I tell him about it? I’m not telling him with that look on his face. I sit quiet.
He looks angry, then his eyes soften. “That makes this a little easier. Knowing what you like is important. Being honest is how I’ll know what to do. I don’t think that will be a problem with us. You’re honest about everything.”
I like that and smile. He’s not angry at me. “Yes. Télia said to tell you how I feel. I was waiting for you to give me a sign. I’ve never dated anyone, so I didn’t know to just tell you.”
His head tilts again. My heart sighs again, that’s probably not true, it feels like it’s sighing, so I’ll stick to that’s what’s happening. I like that look. He’s safe and likes me, the look says he’s not sure about what I said.
“You never went on a date?”
I shake my head no. He’s angry again. I sit quiet. His head shakes. “Dates are traditionally dinner, rides, movies, drinks, dancing. We’ve danced with the Alpha-Bits, had meals, have ridden to the IT building and spent time doing everything in our daily lives together like a couple. I want the kisses and physical aspect of being a couple too. I like holding your hand. I love the fucking hugs but want more. Do you?”
I’m nodding before he asks. I love all that too. “Yes, I really liked you on the computer and wished you lived closer. Being here makes my brain race and heart go crazy, it’s hard to think around you. I want more too. Will I be able to think better once we have sex?”
The brows go down again. He’s up and down faster than Garren. “I don’t know. I hate that you said sex. It’s not normal for me to care about words. With you, every word matters to me. Sex is what happens when there are no ties to you. My head spins when you hug me, my heart catches when you smile, that’s a tie to you. Sex isn’t what I’m looking for.” He’s angry again.
Turning, I watch the kids and try to think. Ties make sex mean more? My words matter to him. “I’m yours. The words I say can hurt you?”
Pulling air in through his nose expands his chest making him look more like Garren than Michael. “Yeah, I guess. The way you asked was like it didn’t matter. My chest got tight. It pissed me off that sex is just an act. I don’t want relief, well I do, just not with you.”
What does that mean? He wants to go to the Club? Garren says they have sex out in the open there. I look at the kids, holding my breath so I don’t cry.
His fingers stroke my cheek gently. Lifting me out of my chair has me taking deeper breaths to calm myself. I don’t look at him even though my eyes aren’t really watching the kids. Holy moly, he’s strong like Ford and Garren.
Sitting me sideways across his lap, he kisses the side of my head. My eyes are still pointed at the pool. He doesn’t want relief from me. He wants me as more, like a wife without sex from me? I don’t know what to say. I need to call Télia.
The voice is so soft and low against my ear. “Alexia, I want my hands on you to feel like more than sex. I want you to crave my lips on your body when you see me. I want to feel your heart beating wildly for me when we’re naked and your body is fused against mine so you feel how you