us Chinese, all right?
Silence. That’s what we would do when Richie came home: Saturday night Chinese from Happy Duck down Mam’s road.
Mam: Or let’s get Indian. I feel like a change, don’t you?
25
Tiffy
‘Are you all right?’ Ken asks.
I’m pretty much frozen. My heart is pounding.
‘Yes. Sorry, yes, I’m fine.’ I try a smile.
‘Do you want to get out of here?’ he says tentatively. ‘I mean, the party’s nearly over . . .’
Do I? I did, about one minute ago. Now, even with the buzz of that kiss still warm on my lips, I want to run away. I’m not really thinking thoughts – my brain is just producing this extremely unhelpful one-tone note of panic, like a loud long uuuhhhh rattling back and forth between my ears.
Someone calls my name. I recognise the voice, but I don’t connect the dots until I turn and see Justin.
He’s standing in the doorway between the garden and the pub, dressed in an open-necked shirt with his old leather satchel slung over his shoulder. He looks painfully familiar, but things are different too: his hair is longer than he ever wore it when we were together, and he’s got new city-corporate shoes. I feel as if I’ve conjured him up by thinking about him – how else could he possibly be here?
His eyes flick to Ken for a moment, and then they’re back to me. He crosses the grass between us. I am glued to the spot, shoulders tensed, crouched over on the bench with Ken beside me.
‘You look beautiful.’
This, unbelievably, is the first thing he says.
‘Justin.’ This is about all I can manage. I look back at Ken, and no doubt my face is a picture of misery.
‘Let me guess,’ says Ken lightly. ‘Boyfriend?’
‘Ex,’ I say. ‘Ex! I would never – I . . .’
Ken smiles an easy, sexy smile at me, and then turns an equally good-natured one on Justin. ‘Hi,’ he says, holding out his hand for Justin to shake. ‘Ken.’
Justin barely looks at him; he shakes his hand for approximately half a second before turning back to me. ‘Can I talk to you?’
I look between him and Ken. I can’t believe I was even thinking about going home with Ken. I can’t do that.
‘I’m sorry,’ I begin. ‘I really . . .’
‘Hey, don’t worry about it,’ Ken says, standing up. ‘You have my contact details if you fancy getting in touch while I’m still in London.’ He waves the sampler, still in his hand. ‘Nice to meet you,’ he says, extremely politely, in Justin’s direction.
‘Yeah,’ is all Justin says.
As Ken walks away, the uuuhhhh quietens and I feel as if I’m waking up a little, coming out of some sort of trance. I stand, knees shaking, and face Justin.
‘What. The hell. Are you doing here?’
Justin doesn’t react to the venom in my voice. Instead he puts his hand on my back and starts leading me towards the side gate. I move mechanically, unthinking, and then shrug him off sharply as soon as I clock what’s happening.
‘Hey, whoa.’ He looks at me as we pause in the gateway. The evening air is warm, almost stifling. ‘Are you OK? Sorry if I surprised you.’
‘And ruined my evening.’
He smiles. ‘Come on, Tiffy. You needed rescuing. You’d never go home with a guy like that.’
I open my mouth to speak, and then close it again. I was going to say he doesn’t know me any more, but somehow it doesn’t come out. ‘What are you doing here?’ I manage instead.
‘I was just coming in for a drink. I come to this place a fair bit.’
I mean, this is just ridiculous. I cannot believe this. The cruise ship might have been a coincidence – a very weird one, but just about plausible – but this?
‘Do you not think this is odd?’
He’s confused. He tilts his head, like huh? My stomach flips – I used to love that little head-tilt.
‘We’ve bumped into each other twice in six months. Once, on a cruise ship.’
I need an explanation for this that isn’t ‘Justin appears when you think bad thoughts about him’, which is currently all my half-frozen brain can believe. I’m scaring myself a little.
He smiles indulgently. ‘Tiffy. Come on. What are you suggesting? That I got on that cruise to see you? That I turned up tonight just to see you? If I wanted to do that, why wouldn’t I just call you? Or turn up at your office?’
Oh. I . . . I guess that makes