up a ladder with Tolkien does for you. ‘Maybe I don’t always like myself just as I am.’
‘Okay, so ignoring what anybody might say to you, if you could wear anything you want, do your hair how you want, whatever … what would you do?’
I stare at him. He looks straight back.
My mind is completely blank.
What would I do? I’ve spent most of my life trying to be what I think Dad wants me to be. I’ve never really stopped to wonder what I actually want myself.
But Noah is telling me that this isn’t about changing myself for Dad, or possible dates, this is about whether or not I’d actually quite like to change myself for me.
I look at Noah, who is waiting patiently. And being buffeted by customers pushing their way in and out of the shop.
In my teens I used to spend hours flicking through magazines, looking at the latest trends, the wild fashion shoots. Wondering what I’d look like with green hair and a black leather jacket. I did it in my early twenties as well. Not the green hair thing, but I still loved the magazines.
Then somehow it stopped. I flicked on past the handbags and shoes pages: I couldn’t afford it. I bought soft furnishings with Robbie instead. Invested in our future, ha!
‘The more outrageous the better!’
A little flicker of something strange tickles at my insides. It’s like the feeling I had as a kid, just before I was allowed to start opening my Christmas presents. Anticipation.
‘I’m not sure, I might need to window shop!’
‘Your wish is my command.’ He chuckles and bows.
‘I quite fancy a bit of remodelling; no structural work though!’
‘Fantastic!’ He rubs his hands together. ‘I can’t wait. Let’s find out who Rosie really is! I’ve got an hour, lead the way, let’s shop!’ Then he frowns at me. ‘We’ll examine the rest of your man-requirements another time,’ he says darkly, which sounds ominous.
‘What do you mean?’
‘All that boring shit about steady job, clean chin, flosses twice a day.’
‘I did not say that!’
‘Close enough! Oh Rosie, Rosie, Rosie, you want the right guy, not some make-believe …’ He stops himself short, probably because he has seen the look of disbelief on my face. ‘Okay, okay, that’s for another time. Lead me to the shops!’
‘But I’m work—’
‘You must get a lunchbreak!’
‘I’ve only just started, it’s nowhere near lunchtime!’ I’m torn, I would actually quite like to go shopping. It’s kind of exciting, being with somebody who doesn’t have any preconceptions, or expectations. Somebody who thinks anything is possible. But I’m supposed to be working.
‘Coffee break?’
‘She does, she does. Off you go.’ Bea has caught up with us. ‘I’ll hold the fort.’
I look at Noah. Hesitate.
‘Go!’ Bea has booted us out of the doorway and pulled it firmly shut behind us. We turn round and then I glance back. She is wiping her brow with the back of her hand, then does a dramatic swoon. I can’t help myself. I snigger.
‘And I thought you were weird!’ Noah chuckles. ‘Come on, call this lesson 2. Riotous Rosie rediscovered!’
‘I hate to disappoint you, but I’ve never been riotous.’ I think about the black leather jacket and green hair.
‘I bet you have,’ he taps the side of his head, ‘in here! Right where do you want to start?’
‘Small? Something not too noticeable.’ Then I’ll work up the courage to go wild.
‘I’ve got just the thing! Start at the bottom and work up as they say!’
I hope this doesn’t mean high heels. I can’t do high heels; they make my bottom stick out and my legs go rigid.
‘Oh, and I’ve come prepared,’ Noah continues, unaware of my fear of footwear.
‘You thought I’d say yes!’
‘I knew you’d say yes. I’m irresistible!’ He grins, dips into his pocket and pulls out a slightly squashed chicken wrap. ‘Here’s lunch. Never say I don’t give you anything.’
I sigh. ‘Okay, I’m all yours.’
He chuckles. ‘Well I never thought I’d hear you say that!’
‘Stop it.’ I give him my severe look but feel a little bit – as my gran would say – chuffed. ‘You know what I mean. Lead the way.’
We’ve taken approximately fifteen steps, I’ve only taken one and a half bites of my wrap, when he stops.
‘Oh my God, no!’ I splutter a mouthful of Southern fried chicken in all directions, and a dog leaps at my hand – which has dropped to my side. ‘Shit!’
‘What?’ Noah blinks at me.
‘That bugger took half of my lunch!’ I swear that bloody animal