and tried to pretend I was experienced.”
He chuckled again, his cheeks warming with a peachy hue. “If I had known what I know now, I would’ve turned that old washing machine on, set her on top, and then did the deed. I wasn’t that creative back then. You never forget your first time, they say.”
“Yes, that’s what they say.” She looked all around for the letter.
“How old were you when you lost your virginity?” He casually glanced down at his watch as he searched. It was a strange game they were playing, a hunt of sorts. In some odd way, it didn’t truly feel as if they were looking for anything at all. Or perhaps, what they were looking for was undefined. Or something they’d already found in one another.
“I was seventeen, almost eighteen.”
“Hmm, interesting.” He stroked his chin.
“Why is that interesting?” She ran her hand along the edge of one of the walls.
“Well, I thought maybe it was with Nehemiah.”
“Nope.” She shook her head. “It was with my first love, Mike.” Mike had been a handsome kid with charisma and charm who used to live down the street from her. He was a known shit-starter due to his mouth and muscles, and got into his fair share of fights, too. All that aside, she’d adored him. He was funny and when she’d feel down, he’d lift her spirits. Last she’d heard, he’d been living in Louisiana, had a daughter and worked as a firefighter.
“Was it good?”
“Huh?” She grinned more out of shock than amusement. “What do you mean by that? Hell, no. It was my first time, man. It was terrible.” She shrugged.
“Not all first times are terrible. That was just Mike. You should’ve come and found me.” She rolled her eyes. “My first time was great. A little awkward, but I liked it. Anyway, I don’t think anything is in here, Lauren. You said he’d keep it simple, so looking in hard to find places wouldn’t make sense. I think it would be more out in the open.”
“You might be right. Let’s go across the way to the other building.” They headed out. The larger of the two apartment buildings was set up similarly to the first, only this one had an attached clubhouse, indoor swimming pool, and exercise center. They decided to split up and reconvene after about thirty minutes of searching.
After smiling awkwardly at some people inside who looked at her as if she was crazy while she roamed around, she met back up with Aries. Her heart skipped several beats when she spotted him sitting on a lounge chair in the hot swimming pool area, a sheet of paper in his hand. She couldn’t get to him fast enough and then when she reached him, she was disappointed that she had no idea what to say. He looked up at her and gave her the saddest damn smile in the whole wide world. He handed her the letter, then slowly fell back onto the chaise, clasping his hands behind his head. She began to read it to herself.
It started the same way as the first.
This letter is for the eyes of Aries Creed, his mother, and his son when he is of age, only. Have you ever loved someone you didn’t know? I have. My son. I watched him grow up from afar. I tried to give Sandra money by sending it in the mail, a large check each time, but she always refused. She wrote me back and said that time and my responsibility to be in our son’s life could not be bought. There was no amount of money that could replace or change that. She said if she accepted my offering, that would be like absolving me of guilt. She would not accept one cent from me, unless I agreed to her stipulations. I tried to explain to her that our son would suffer because of her stubbornness. Sandra told me that I didn’t have to be in her life, despite the fact she loved me dearly, and that it was not stubbornness; it was the principle. Her exact words were: the way I’d done her boy was diabolical. I could help care for him financially, only if I also saw him in person, visited regularly, and built a relationship with my child.
I could not do that. She knew I couldn’t. I had made that perfectly clear. I told her that I didn’t want to be a father, but I was trying