racing with just the thought of him. I missed him when he wasn’t near. But I’d managed to end this relationship with Austin before it had really gotten started. All of it my fault. The Nick thing was a deal breaker. I’d fucked up. I had never been good with relationships; I didn’t know how to fix it. Sadness overwhelmed me, sending tears down my cheeks again.
I shot upright when the door opened, light creaking into the room. Austin walked in and closed the door behind him. His coffee colored eyes smoldered with anger earlier and I needed to see them to understand if he was still upset.
“She’s home with Hannah,” he said coldly.
Anxiety deflated my body like a balloon released of its air. Happy tears replaced the dried ones. Keeping his shorts on, tossing his shirt to the floor, he climbed back into his spot on the bed, facing away from me.
“Thank you,” I sighed. “Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome, Phoebe.”
The vibration of the phone on the nightstand stole both of our attention. Austin was closest, and as if out of my worst nightmare, he looked at the phone and handed it to me. Nick. Seriously?
“Nick. This isn’t a good time,” I answered.
“What’s up with Sloan?”
“Austin took care of it. She’s home now.”
“Well, isn’t he a fuckin hero.”
“I’m not going to do this,” I spoke softly, but there was no way Austin didn’t hear everything.
“Did you fuck him?”
“Stop!” I gritted through clenched teeth.
“Put it on speaker,” Austin rolled over and demanded. I clicked the speaker button straight away. I’d do anything to make us better.
“Answer me, Phoebe. Have you fucked him?”
My eyes darted up to Austin’s. The emotions flitting across his face went from anger to frustration to confusion. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. So, I decided to be honest.
“I love him, Nick.”
Austin’s lips parted as he readjusted to sit up with both eyes flickering from my eyes to my lips. Shit. It was too soon to say those words. But I had fallen in love with him. I’d prayed my entire life for him, and I was on the verge of losing him. I had all intent of righting this wrong.
“He’s fucking paying you to be there. Paying to fuck you! You’re no better than a whore, Pheebs.”
Austin took the phone out of my hand, disconnected the call and tossed the phone into a chair next to his bed. The phone started vibrating again.
“That freaked you out. What I said, I mean.” I covered my face with my palms as the phone continued to vibrate. “I know this is crazy. I’ve only known you for like less than three weeks and here I am throwing out the L word… but it’s like…I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” His chin ticked to the side even though his heavy gaze never left mine. “We need to talk about some things.”
I nodded. “Ok.”
“I don’t wanna talk right now though, Phoebe. All I want is to be inside you.”
A shudder of desire rippled down my body, stirring a hunger that only he could feed. His hands raked roughly through my hair, tenderly massaging my scalp and then drawing me closer to him. When our lips collided, he breathed life into us. Hope and possibilities inhaled, anxiety and insecurities exhaled. He stopped kissing me and those chocolate eyes stared down at me.
“What are you waiting for?” I asked, praying he hadn’t changed his mind.
He swallowed whatever idled in his thoughts.
“Touch me, Austin. Love me like you do, please.”
I still wasn’t sure where we stood in the whole picture of things, but right then I didn’t care. He made me his in the way that doesn’t need words. A way that would linger in my mind for a very long time. He loved every inch of my body and though the words never came from his mouth, he showed me through actions that he loved me. That’s all that mattered.
_______________
The already beautiful beach was breathtakingly decorated with white chairs, white monster bows on the back, a white swath of material down the center aisle. White was everywhere. A gazebo centered at the end of the white material served as the altar. Oversized white lilies mixed with long-stemmed red roses situated everywhere added a dab of red. I’d been so overwhelmed with parenting the kids that I’d never really pictured what my wedding would look like. This image would be seared in my thoughts forever. A lot of my dreams