had been told the truth, and I was left wondering if he’d have been better off being kept in the dark.
Was it freeing to know Aidan was his father? That the man who’d abused him had no blood tie to him? That news couldn’t make anything better, but… Having never been abused myself, thank God, I wasn’t sure what was going through Finn’s head.
All I knew was that I’d seen Finn’s reaction to my raising the topic of his mother. He’d shut down and he’d turned cold on me, when Finn had always been anything but cold where I was concerned.
“Finn?”
He tensed. “Yeah?”
The words were on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to tell him I loved him. Wanted them to act as a ward. Those three words would protect him, let him know that he was always safe with me.
But also, I didn’t want his brain to connect the dots.
I didn’t want him to associate my telling him I loved him when he was loaded down with thoughts of his cruel history.
I’d told him once, when I’d thought I was dying. A second time when I’d known guilt was eating him up. The third time I shared those words with him wouldn’t be during a tragic moment in his life.
“I’m here. I always will be.”
A shudder seemed to wrack through him. “T-Thank you, Aoife.”
I wished I could kiss him, but instead, I whispered, “I was born to be by your side, Finn O’Gr—”
A laugh barked from him, interrupting my words. “Finn O'Donnelly. Who’d have thought it?”
The amusement was cruel and aimed inwardly, and I blamed myself for striking out on my first go.
Fuck!
“You’re my Finn,” I told him. “Nothing more, nothing less.”
Was I surprised when he made no whisper of a reply? Yes. But I was glad too, especially when I heard his breathing even out. He’d drifted off to sleep, I realized.
Had my words brought him some peace?
I could only hope they had, even as I wondered what I could do to make this better.
Was just being there enough?
I wasn’t sure.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Finn
Was I up or was I down? That was pretty much the mind fuck I had going on inside my head.
On the one hand, the man I’d loved like a father actually was my father.
On the other, the bastard I’d believed had sired me, who’d abused me and beaten me, actually hadn’t.
A cause for celebration?
Maybe if the ties that went with it weren’t bound to Lena’s perfidy—the death of Aoife’s mother.
Even if the news was worthy of celebration, it was forever linked with the accident that had robbed Michelle Keegan of her life.
I had no doubt it was an accident.
Aidan had believed it too. And this wasn’t some spiritual bypass. He’d asked Lena’s guard, who’d concurred. There was no reason to lie when there were no concerns about the consequences.
And there was the rub.
The lack of consequence.
Lena had to pay. Didn’t she?
There had to be some reparation made, something done to…
Nothing would bring Aoife’s mother back. Nothing. Not even Lena rotting in a jail cell for a few years on vehicular manslaughter. A notion that had my heart pounding in my chest as it was the last place I’d want any of the women in my life to be. If Aoife came to me as Lena had to Aidan, I’d have done everything in my power to cover this shit up.
This was my world.
We ignored society’s inbuilt checks and balances as we chose to go to church and confess our sins rather than be punished for them. Going to speak with the Father was far easier than serving prison time, after all.
Had Lena confessed? Had Father Doyle, when he’d said how sad it was that Aoife’s mother couldn’t be there for her on our wedding day, heard the truth spill from Lena’s lips?
I knew he had.
It was how Aidan worked.
He’d have dragged her there, whatever the time. He’d have made her confess and then—and I could see it in my mind’s eye—he’d have hugged her afterward, given her a kiss to make it all better, and after she’d worked her penance, they could go on as if nothing had happened.
But something had.
Someone had died.
I knew I was being a hypocrite. What was it? Okay for people to die so long as they weren’t related to family close to me?
I’d watched Aidan slaughter the Colombian this week. Had seen so many deaths, it was a wonder the spirits didn’t visit me in my dreams. But this one