In fact, I'd thought about a relationship with Serafina way too much the past couple of days.
So why did I invite her to stay and eat with us on our day off? Why did I feel like this house wasn't quite so empty when she was in it?
Nannies took care of the kids, not the dads. Serafina was definitely taking care of more than just Ava. She'd started to turn both of our lives into something not-so-overwhelming. Which meant she wasn't the nanny. More like my life manager. I almost snorted. That was probably exactly what I needed.
Until I felt the gentle brush of a stray toe and heard a quiet sigh, I hadn't realized how deep into my thoughts I'd spiraled. My gaze had remained on the TV, but hadn't comprehended a single image. At least thirty minutes had passed and I couldn't even remember the main character's name.
When I glanced over, my heart leapt into my throat.
Ava had fallen asleep sprawled on top of Serafina. Sera hadn't noticed yet, her bent elbow propped on the end of the couch and her head resting in it. She watched the screen with rapt attention. Her fingers toyed with a curl of Ava's hair where it looped at the end of her braid.
Serafina looked up to me as if she sensed my gaze, then at Ava, and her own smile stole across her face. The movie, and the presence of my daughter, saved me from grabbing Serafina's face and kissing her breathless. The main character fell off her horse and into a well. While she wept quietly at the bottom I whispered, “So what is it with princesses anyway?”
Serafina rolled her eyes, but she smiled too much for me to take her for face value. “It's . . . I don't know. For girls this age? It's just fun to imagine.”
“The tiaras?”
“So important. Ava's six,” she said quietly. “Things like that are just . . . fun.”
“Fighting is fun.”
“For her thirty-something father, yes. But she's a little girl.”
“Please tell me there's something else besides princess movies Ava and I could do together.”
Serafina quieted her laughter. Ava didn't even stir, but Serafina hadn't stopped playing with her hair yet. I wondered if Ava liked that kind of touch. Like me, she'd always been prickly about people in her personal bubble. All those boundaries seemed to have melted away the moment Serafina appeared in her life. Maybe Ava was just waiting for the right person.
Same, baby girl, I thought. At least my daughter and I had one thing in common. If there was anything I wanted to happen, it was Serafina's touch. Her hands on my skin. Her lips working against mine until both of us were out of air.
“So much you could do together,” Sera finally said. “Make the cookies with her. Go shopping. Paint your toenails.”
I held up two hands. “Whoa.”
“For your daughter!” she whisper-cried. “C'mon. You don't have to show them off. Anyone would understand.”
“My guys would destroy me.”
Her eyes sparkled when she said, “It might be worth it to win over some affection? At the very least, let me buy her some new clothes.”
“Hey! I just bought her those clothes.”
She grimaced. “I know.”
“They're girly and pink!”
She tilted her head back and forth, an uncertain grimace on her face. Appalled, I put a hand on my chest and pointed to Ava’s pajamas.
“Pink,” I said, as if that explained everything.
“Pink GI Joes.” She shook her head, hair bouncing. “Sorry but she likes bunnies and kittens and tiaras and female superheroes. Plus, she doesn’t like pink. She told me that yesterday. She prefers purple.”
I blinked several times. Sure, I'd desperately bought most of her clothes when I realized, one day before school started, that she'd outgrown almost all the stuff we'd brought from Sadie's house. Just grabbed all the clothes in the right size—which had actually been the wrong one—when I was at the store. Ava had never seemed excited about her clothes, but what kid cared about clothes? When I was little, they were my ticket to getting outside and in the mud. Mom wouldn't let me play naked, though heaven knows I tried.
Serafina put a hand on my arm. “Don't beat yourself up. You're doing great, Ben. You clearly love her. She just . . . she's sort of hesitant about you and I haven't figured out why yet. But I will. I promise. In the meantime, some toenail polish, female superhero pajamas, and a tiara or two would go