his pillow.
“Hey, no,” said Harvard. “You’re still really cute.”
Aiden scoffed into the pillow, which turned into more coughing. Harvard patted him on the back.
Harvard was so good at this boyfriend thing it was ridiculous. He was screwing up the boyfriend curve for all other boyfriends. That was why Aiden didn’t want any of the others.
He felt horrible and unpleasantly hot, and he could only bear this when Harvard was with him. Most of life was generally unfair and unpleasant, but it was all right if Harvard was there.
“Stay with me until I go to sleep,” Aiden murmured, willfully forgetting that lunch was over and Harvard should go to class.
For Aiden, Harvard would usually break the rules.
“If you want me to,” Harvard murmured back.
Aiden was ill and miserable and unguarded enough to whisper, “I never want anything but you.”
“Okay.” Harvard laughed quietly, kindly. “I think the cough syrup has made you a little loopy.”
Aiden wanted to be angry with Harvard for never understanding, but thank God Harvard didn’t. Besides, Aiden never could entirely manage to be angry with him. The emotion wouldn’t coalesce in Aiden’s chest, always collapsing in on itself and changing into different feelings.
As Aiden slid into sleep, like tumbling beneath a blanket of darkness, he felt an awareness even with his eyes closed that someone was stooping over him, like an intuition of a shadow, and then the soft press of Harvard’s lips against Aiden’s forehead. More a blessing than a kiss.
He woke up when two teachers knocked on his door and asked if they could search the room. Aiden was interested enough to let them.
“Have you found any information about the gold bars yet?” he asked when they were done searching.
“Oh dear,” murmured Mr. Gaudet, their history teacher. “The boy’s delirious.”
Aiden feared Harvard was bringing him inaccurate gossip since he wasn’t actually very good at gossiping. All that believing the best of people got in Harvard’s way when it came to getting the real dirt.
Once Aiden had risen from his bed of sickness, he would ascertain the awful, criminal truth.
The vile medicine seemed to be doing its job. His head felt marginally clearer. Aiden now believed he would live.
Before he was restored to his full power, though, he needed more beauty sleep. Aiden had a lot of beauty to maintain.
When he woke up next, it was dark outside. He’d slept and coughed and dreamed the whole day away.
Harvard was sleeping in the bed next to his. Whenever Aiden was forced to go home, he’d wake up feeling sick with panic in the night. He’d realized years ago that what woke him up was not any noise, but silence. He missed the steady sound of Harvard’s breathing. You could ask a friend to sleep over, but you couldn’t ask him to sleep over every night. In order to get away from the echoing quiet of his own house, Aiden was willing to go on vacation with practically any guy who offered.
If they were hot and going somewhere cool.
Harvard was having the untroubled sleep of someone who never woke in the night with wild panic caught at the back of his throat, who was never cruel or careless. Someone who never did terrible things to satisfy longings he didn’t dare to speak.
The word tantalizing, being endlessly tormented by the presence of something so near but always out of reach, came from the name of the king Tantalus. After the king died and went to hell, he was tortured by being forced to stand in water he could never drink, with fruit hanging above his head that he could never eat.
Enough of being tortured.
Aiden wasn’t going to make it to the weekend. This had to end. Everything ended; everyone went away, if you tried for love. Friendship was safe. Aiden had thought this would make him feel better, to practice and pretend, but it only made him feel worse. Like having the taste of fruit lingering ghostly and sweet in your mouth, all the while knowing you could never eat.
Aiden’s throat ached, as it had earlier, but he didn’t want water.
He turned sharply away from Harvard, tossing under the bedsheets and trying to find a cool, soft place in bed. Somewhere he could rest.
Turning his back on Harvard didn’t work. Harvard stirred because of Aiden’s incautious movement and reached out. When Aiden felt Harvard’s hand gentle on his arm, he went still.
“Aiden?” Harvard whispered drowsily.
Aiden turned back to face him and said, “Yes.”
Harvard’s eyes were still closed, but his grip