with someone who’d never fenced in his life before.
After a stunned pause, Aiden said carefully: “I thought you and Neil must have—”
“No,” said Harvard.
A few times, Harvard had thought a kiss might happen. Both nights Neil had let Harvard take him home, Neil had lingered, talking to Harvard on the porch for some time as though he might be waiting for something. But Harvard had no idea how to make the first move.
In retrospect, Harvard regretted the motorcycle. He thought the motorcycle might’ve led to Neil having certain expectations of Harvard that Harvard couldn’t fulfill.
“Oh,” said Aiden, softer than breath.
He was probably wondering what he’d got himself into, and how to get out of it. They’d known each other since they were five.
Since they were five, Harvard thought with sudden misgiving. Surely that would make everything weird.
No matter what people said about Aiden, Harvard knew he didn’t just indiscriminately kiss everybody. Usually, Harvard imagined, the people Aiden did kiss tended to know what they were doing.
This might be a solution to Harvard’s problems, but Aiden didn’t have any problems in this area at all. He should give Aiden the chance to back out gracefully.
“Look,” said Harvard. “We’ve known each other a long time. I understand it might feel… very weird to try anything.”
Aiden’s voice was mild. “Are you physically revolted by me?”
“I mean, of course I’m not!” said Harvard.
They’d slept tangled together on hospital seats and lying on the ground camping and in beds, too. They were very physically comfortable together. They always had been. Aiden’s touch had always been welcome and natural to him as sunlight.
He was afraid of losing that.
“There you go. I’m cute. You’re cute,” Aiden said. “So that’s not a problem, but if you don’t want to, that is a problem. If you don’t want to, we shouldn’t try this.”
Harvard had no idea how to deal with the jolting sensation caused by part of what Aiden had said, so he fastened desperately on to the last sentence.
“I do want to!” Harvard exclaimed.
He lifted his chin and stood up from the bed. Aiden’s upward glance seemed like a challenge, familiar from times when Harvard got Aiden to take a match seriously and Aiden’s eyes gleamed above their crossed swords. The look was wildly out of context, and seemed far more dangerous, when thrown in their room.
Aiden’s voice rasped as he asked, “Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” said Harvard. “Come on.”
Something flickered in Aiden’s gaze. Harvard nodded encouragement at him. Come on, let’s get with the plan.
“You said nothing should happen in the dorm room, right?”
Aiden answered, “R-right?“
Harvard said recklessly, “So let’s leave the room.”
18: AIDEN
Harvard had never been kissed. Was Neil actively deranged? Aiden wondered. Would Harvard be safe with someone who might at any time progress from inexplicable inaction to delusions that he was a teapot?
He didn’t want to think of Neil at this time or any other.
Harvard led the way, down the back stairs of the dormitory and out into the quad of Kings Row. Once they were outside, Aiden took deep breaths of cool night air. He couldn’t possibly have agreed to this. He wasn’t actually going to try to teach Harvard about dating.
Aiden was clearly in the process of losing his mind. He thought he could actually feel his mind dissolving. The tiny fragments that used to be his mind would float away up into the night sky and get lost among the stars.
The stone pillars that surrounded them glimmered silver in the gathering dusk. Their school buildings were lost in shadows, but Aiden knew exactly where they were. They had crossed this stretch of lawn hundreds of times.
Aiden had imagined the date to Kingstone Fair in excruciating detail, lived it in a hundred vivid daydreams, but he’d never planned out any date he’d actually had. Who cared?
Only now it was Harvard, so now Aiden cared, and literally all his experience was worse than useless. He couldn’t be cold to Harvard or careless or hurt him. If Harvard understood what he was asking for, he would be horrified.
None of Aiden’s experience applied to Harvard. He couldn’t do this.
“I’m not sure…,” Harvard began.
“You’re so right, this was a terrible idea!” exclaimed Aiden. “Obviously you’re overcome with shock. You were panicking. It’s fine. Neil is deranged, but that’s his problem. He probably thinks he’s a teapot. Don’t worry. There are a lot of teapots in the sea. I mean, fish. I mean, guys.”
Silence reigned under the stars.
“There are a lot of teapots in the sea?” Harvard repeated.
Aiden