“No,” Elle insisted. “The party is on. Our son will be born in the morning. I should be fine by the evening. Right, Astrid?”
“Umm…” Astrid said, looking doubtful. “Not sure about that.”
Elle rubbed her belly with delight and either ignored or didn’t hear Astrid in her excitement. “We will have the party. It shall be a double celebration of the two men I love the most—Lucifer and his son… Luke.”
“Luke?” I asked, liking the feel of the name on my tongue.
“Well, actually Lucifer Jr., but Luke for short so there are no mix-ups,” Elle said as she started to cry again.
Cradling her stomach gently in her hands, Elle glanced up and me, and I felt as if I’d been gut-punched with magic that warmed me all over. The wind rushed out of my body and I tingled from head to toe. It was an odd sensation… and I think I liked it.
Was this what happiness felt like? True happiness?
I definitely liked it. Not that I would share the appalling news.
I did have a badass father reputation to maintain.
Chapter Eleven
“Murry, how badly do you want that gift card to Red Lobster?” I growled as he stood in front of my desk and appeared confused by the question.
Lizard and my army had been busy. The entire third floor of the Dark Palace was stocked with every baby supply imaginable. I had no clue what any of it was used for, but that didn’t matter. The heaping mass was colorful and stolen—just as it should be.
Unsure if it was sufficient, I commanded my army to take a second pass and hit every toy store in the Universe. The heir of Hell would have everything his little evil heart desired.
Now I just needed to make sure our joint womb eviction day celebration would go off without a hitch. It would seriously piss me off if someone tried to kill me on my big day.
“Umm…” Murry said, pursing his mouth in thought. “Is there a right answer, Lord of Dark Junk?”
“Yes,” I shouted as my office began to fill with the most unsavory denizens of Hell at the moment. “There is a right answer.”
“Just heard the great fuckin’ news, Giant Johnson,” Martha said as she and Jane waddled into the room wearing pornographic nurse’s uniforms. “We’re here to help Elle blow a watermelon out of a hole the size of a walnut.”
“No, you are not,” I snapped. “You will go nowhere near my lover’s walnut.”
Letting my head drop to my hands, I couldn’t believe the words that had just left my lips. Martha and Jane were destroying Hell… and that was tremendously difficult to do.
“Can’t find an Immortal midwife who will come to Hell,” Lizard said in a frantic tone as he followed his concubines into my office.
“That’s absurd,” I said. “What do Demons normally do when they have a child?”
“My mom went into a field and squatted,” Dino said as he, Darby and Dagwood joined the ever-growing catastrophe littering my office.
“I’m feeling the need to electrocute all of you,” I said calmly as Mammy entered the office.
“Are we havin’ a party?” Mammy asked. “Trims are on the house!”
Setting my desk ablaze, I let the flames consume me. The fire was wonderful and necessary if I was to refrain from committing mass murder.
“There is no party, Mammy. You will trim no one. Am I clear?” I informed her as the flames abated. “Here’s what I need. I need Murry to find the damned Demon who is trying to ruin my womb eviction celebration so I can incinerate her ASAP. My son’s womb explosion day is the same as mine, therefore it will be perfect.”
“You mean eviction,” Lizard corrected me.
“That’s what I said.”
“Nope, Monster Shmackle, you said explosion,” Jane volunteered.
Hell, I hoped it wasn’t an explosion.
“Whatever. I need my kitchen staff back so that I don’t owe the Fairies a favor. I don’t even like Fairies.”
“Hang on a second, Lord of Dark Feces,” Mammy shouted as putrid green smoke wafted from her nose and ears. “Was that a crack at my lesbianic status?”
I couldn’t help myself. I zapped the shit out of her. She barely reacted—just sucked the flames up into her smoldering nostrils and continued to glare at me. The woman defined insanity and clearly had a high threshold for pain. The blast should have set her ablaze.
“I meant Fairies as in the sons of bitches with wings who live in Zanthia,” I said, considering zapping her again