Fashionably Fooled (Hot Damned #13) - Robyn Peterman Page 0,11

Hell. I needed to give my Demon his mission and get them all out of my office before I did something I’d regret… or enjoy.

“Fine,” I ground out. “Write the book. As long as you keep Elle happy and occupied, I don’t care what you do.”

“You got it, Bitable Buns!” Martha shouted as she and Jane made themselves comfortable on the floor by the door to our bedroom where Elle slept. “We’re gonna take good care of your gal. Don’t you worry your big head or your little one.”

If I acknowledged what she’d just said, I’d have to kill her. Instead, I ignored her and nodded curtly.

“Lizard, come with me. I’ll get you up to speed.”

“As you wish, Sire,” he replied and followed me from my office into the main area of the Dark Palace.

Chapter Three

“Read me the letter once more,” Lizard said as he choked up on his baseball bat and smashed a priceless vase.

I winced and reminded myself that burning him alive was a bad plan—well, at least until he found the perpetrator and eliminated him. While I admired Lizard’s barbaric tendencies, the destruction of irreplaceable art was annoying. Served me right for bringing him to the Grand Ballroom. Since my office had become a battleground between Elle, Aunt Flow, and me, I had little choice. The Ballroom was empty at the moment and soundproofed.

Pulling the letter from my pocket, I granted the insane Demon’s request. “Lord of Darkness, the day will never happen. The birth will go unrecognized,” I hissed with displeasure, reading from the parchment paper. “The end draws near for your latest folly and the hands of fate shall be empty. Heed these words and do not try to replace what already exists.”

“That’s some kinda bullshit,” Lizard growled as he wound up and destroyed a crystal decanter filled with scotch that cost more than the human’s national debt.

“I couldn’t agree more,” I replied, steering the Demon away from the breakables and out into the center of the deserted ballroom.

The Grand Ballroom’s black marble floor was encrusted with precious and rare gemstones—rubies, sapphires, emeralds and diamonds. The jewels were embedded with dark magic making them impossible to steal. Of course, I’d stolen them in the first place, but that was irrelevant. I hoped the enchantment would keep them from being decimated by Lizard’s bat. I’d seen the Demon knock the heads off of Trolls with the damn piece of wood, so the safety of my floor was anyone’s guess. Most likely, the ten crystal chandeliers that spilled down from the thirty-foot ceilings were safe.

But then again, Lizard was a loose cannon. It’s why I liked him half the time and wanted to electrocute him the other half.

“Clearly some motherfucker has heard about my womb eviction day and wants it stopped,” I told him.

“Shut the front door,” Lizard shouted. “Some son of a bitch wants to disembowel your uterus?”

I closed my eyes and counted to ten. Turning away from the idiot, I waved my hand and blew out the back wall of the ballroom. The explosion was positively cathartic. It felt wonderful and saved Lizard from a grisly death. I was maturing.

“I didn’t say that the motherfucker wants to eviscerate my uterus,” I replied so calmly that Lizard went five shades paler than his usual ghostly hue. “First of all, I don’t have a fucking uterus. I said womb eviction day, not womb evisceration day.”

“My bad.”

“I should say so,” I chastised him.

“Can I get a clarification without you burning Hell to the ground?” Lizard asked.

“Possibly,” I conceded. “But if you imply that I have mammary glands, all bets are off.”

Lizard squinted at me and grinned. As always, a smiling Demon was never a good sign. “Permission to correct you, my liege.”

Breathing in through my nose and out through my lips, I again counted to ten—fifty times. Being corrected was seriously difficult for me. Not many were brave enough to do it since it usually ended in death. Although, to be fair, Lizard had requested permission.

“Hang on a sec,” I said, pacing to the far side of the room and setting the floor to ceiling brocade curtains on fire. Crossing back to Lizard as the flames crackled behind me, I felt calmer and more in control. “I’m good now. Go ahead.”

“Umm… you sure, my liege?” Lizard asked as the flames danced and spread quickly around the cavernous room.

“Absolutely,” I assured him. “If it gets too hot in here, we can go outside.”

“Alrighty then,” he said with a shrug.