pregnancy has done to you.”
“Just enjoy it while it lasts. After the baby’s born, it may be the last time you get sex until retirement.”
He rolls me off my side until he has me pinned directly under him. “That shit is not funny. Don’t even joke about it.” Then his eyes widen, and he glances downward as a tiny appendage kicks us both.
Nothing like a hard dose of reality to ruin the moment.
“The baby’s going to be here before we know it, Julian. God, I’m not ready to be a mom.”
“I think it’s a little too late to worry about that, don’t you think?”
Smirking, I wrestled my way out from underneath him and rest my cheek on the pillow. “I mean, it all seemed so far in the future before. But now…”
“Now, it’s right around the corner.”
“Yeah. Our lives are going to be completely different. Well, mine will change anyway.”
“You don’t think mine will change?”
“I meant you’ll be recording and touring. I knew that was the deal from the beginning. I’m the one who’ll be home. I’ll be up in the middle of the night, changing diapers.”
His jaw tightens. “I’m not going to be a part-time father, Phoebe.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I say, backtracking the wrong turn my mouth took. “I meant… What I meant was… Shit.”
He hasn’t thought about it—not like I have. He’ll be gone a lot, which means he’ll have no choice but to leave me alone.
The bleak realization turns his expression to stone. “Marry me.”
I flash the enormous diamond on my left hand. “I am.”
His stare hardens. “That’s not what I mean, and you know it. You said it yourself—the baby will be here soon. We’re already engaged so what’s stopping us? Let’s do it, Phoebe. Stop rationalizing everything. Take a leap of faith, and let’s bring our baby home to a real family. Marry me…today.”
“Julian, no…”
And just like that, we lock into another battle of wills neither of us plans to lose.
“It’s not a hard concept,” he says sharply. “Either you want to marry me or you don’t. Your constant refusal is making me think you have no intention of ever doing it.”
He’s chosen his words carefully. Scare tactics are the last defense strategy.
“That’s a low blow, Julian.”
His indignation fades as he scrubs palms down his unshaven face. “Phoebe, I don’t want to fight with you, but you’ve got to see this from my point of view. All I’m asking for is what you said you promised the moment I put that ring on your finger.” He narrows his eyes. “Do you really want to be my wife or are you just pacifying me?”
“Don’t do this to me.”
“Then don’t do this to me! If you love me like you say you do, stop being so damn stubborn and be impulsive for once. Are you going to let whatever’s scaring you dictate what you do with the rest of your life?”
“Doesn’t it scare you, Julian? Even a little?”
His voice softens. “Of course it scares me. It scares the hell out of me. The only other time I’ve been more scared was when I found you on the floor of your apartment after Tanna attacked you. That’s how I know.”
“How you know what?” I stare up at him. He seems almost peaceful. Like he’s had this grand epiphany in the middle of our argument.
“You almost died…twice.” He holds up two fingers. “The worst has already happened, but you came back to me.” His voice crackles with restrained emotion. “You make me whole, Phoebe. I’m alive when I’m with you, and I’m dead when you’re gone. So, yeah…I know.”
As the minutes pass, he curses to himself. Reaching to the floor, he stands and pull on his boxers, and then starts toward toward the bathroom. Stopping at the door, he turns to face me with his defenses stripped bare.
“I love you enough to take that leap. I wish you did.” He shuts the door behind him and turns on the shower.
Crawling to the edge of the bed, I sigh and close my eyes. It feels like my body has been through internal warfare. After thoroughly loving each other, we’ve suffocated the honesty with ultimatums again. It seems to be a recurring habit that’s beginning to break us down.
I’ve had enough of being broken to last me a lifetime.
A blast of humidity hits me in the face as I walk toward the shower. Exhaling a nervous breath, I open the door and stare at Julian. He lifts his