on earth would I think you were ‘feeling’ something you ‘didn’t want to feel’ . . . for me?”
His shoulders stiffen again.
“Especially back then,” I add. “I know you’ve discovered I’m a tasty treat nowadays, and kind of fun to hang out with, if you’ve got no other option, but back then, we hated each other’s guts. Right?”
“We still do, as far as I’m concerned,” he says.
“Good. Me, too.”
“Good.”
My eyes are locked with his as I try to discern if this feeling in my belly is delusional or not. “I mean, back then, you were way too busy mowing through groupies in every city of the tour to be feeling ‘something’ you ‘didn’t want to feel’ about me. Right?”
He pauses, briefly, before saying, “Right. Absolutely.”
We stare at each other for a long beat, the only sound the crashing of my heart in my ears.
“Okay, well . . .” Savage finally says. “I’m glad we talked about this. It’s a good thing you’re so familiar with songwriting and the creative process, or this could have created a huge misunderstanding. Especially going into our . . . arrangement.”
I press my lips together. “It’s a good thing, indeed.”
He motions toward the door. “So . . . should I tell the makeup artist to—”
“Yes, please. We’re running tight on time, apparently, and she’s got quite a bit more to do to make this shit stain look halfway decent.”
“Actually, I would have thought she’s already done. You look great.”
“Thanks. Zander’s hangover cure worked, exactly as promised. I feel . . .” Weird. Confused. Shocked. Skittish. Suspicious. Freaked out. “Remarkably good, actually.”
“Glad to hear it. Okay, well, I’ll go get the makeup artist for you. See you at the press conference.”
“See you then.”
He turns to leave.
“Actually, one quick question.”
Savage turns around slowly, his facial expression saying, And I was so close to escaping, too.
I smile. “In the second half of the chorus, that sort of post-chorus sing-along part . . . Are you singing, ‘La la la . . . Laila’ there?”
He flushes. “No.”
“No?”
“Nope. I’m singing ‘la la.’”
“Yeah, I know, but at the tail end there. After the string of ‘la la’s,’ you didn’t cap it off with ‘Laila’?”
“No. I sang, ‘La la’ the whole way through.”
“Huh. That’s so weird. I was positive I heard you singing my name.”
“That’s what being a narcissist will do to you, I guess. You think everyone is singing your name.”
I smile sweetly. “Takes one to know one, honey.”
We chuckle awkwardly. But, seriously. I swear I heard that part as Laila.
His face is red. His Adam’s apple bobs. “I was definitely singing ‘la la’ there. But if you think it sounds too much like Laila, then I can re-record that part, very easily, to make it crystal clear what I’m actually singing—which absolutely isn’t ‘Laila.’”
“No need. I’m sure I was just imagining it. Thinking the world revolves around me, like you said. I’m sure when I listen again, I’ll laugh that I ever thought you sang my name on that part.”
Savage chuckles with me. “Yeah, that’s funny.” He claps his hands together and exhales. “Okay, well, I’ll let you get to it. Like you said, time is tight.”
“Great. Thanks.”
Looking a bit out of sorts, Savage practically stumbles out the door, and a moment later, the makeup artist returns. After she’s picked up her eyeshadow palette, and I’ve settled back into my chair, I shove my earbuds back in, restart “Hate Sex High” from the beginning, and listen to every single word, this time extra carefully:
[Click HERE to listen to “Hate Sex High” along with Laila.]
Hate Sex High
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
One, two, three, let’s go
You’re falling, falling, falling, falling, falling in hate with me
I’m feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling something I don’t want to feel
Saw you with him at the show
I didn’t like it
I played it cold to your face
But I was on fire
He said you were his all along
And I didn’t like it
Turns out I imagined it all
Went back and punched a hole in the wall
You’re falling, falling, falling, falling, falling in hate with me
I’m feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling something I don’t want to feel
You’re falling, falling, falling, falling, falling in hate with me
I’m feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling something I don’t want to feel
Lalalalalala la la
Lalalalalala la la
I shouldn’t-a said what I did
Not tryna deny it
The harder I pushed you away
You wanted to ride it
I fucked with your body, baby
You fucked with my mind
You said it meant nothing to ya
But you came three times
You’re falling, falling, falling, falling, falling in hate with