cancer for a while at that point, and my cousin called to say she’d taken a turn for the worse.”
“Oh no.”
“So, after hanging up with my cousin, it took me a while to pull myself together enough to head over to the meet and greet, where I knew I’d be expected to take selfies and smile. I’m not great at interacting with strangers, in the best of times, but—”
“Oh, Savage,” I interject. My heart feels like it’s exploding with sympathy, along with remorse for the way I tore into him about his lateness for that particular event. “I get it. How is your grandma doing now?”
The man shakes his head woefully, looking devastated. “Not well, unfortunately. She’s decided to quit treatments altogether and let nature take its course.”
I look around the large room at the other cast members and staff milling around, and feel an overwhelming tidal wave of regret flooding me. I can’t believe I screamed at Savage in Atlanta about his tardiness for that particular event, and he never once defended himself by telling me the situation. I ask, “Is your grandma here in LA?”
Savage shakes his head, his devastation palpable. “No, she lives in Chicago with my cousin. I visit as much as I can. Usually, about once a month.”
Chicago.
At the mention of that city, I feel even more regretful. That’s the city Kendrick mentioned the day our tour kicked off, when I was all bent out of shape that Savage had flown into Philadelphia the same day as our opening show, thereby messing up my schedule with his lateness. My interviews and hair and makeup. As if any of those things mattered more than Savage maximizing his time with his ailing grandmother.
“I had no idea you were carrying such a heavy burden all this time,” I say. “Why didn’t you tell me about your grandmother when I was ripping you a new asshole in Atlanta?”
Savage screws up his face, looking confused. “Why would I tell you about my grandmother being sick?”
“To defend yourself! I went on and on about you being a selfish and unprofessional prick for being late for that event, and then going through the motions, halfheartedly, once you got there. But in reality, you showing up at all to that event was the epitome of selflessness and professionalism! Savage, you were a saint to show up to that event at all, given what you were going through that day. But you didn’t tell me any of that.”
Savage shrugs. “I didn’t say anything about my grandmother because you were right about everything else you accused me of doing. Why defend myself about the one time I hadn’t done anything wrong, when my rap sheet was long and embarrassing, regardless? Plus, I was in a particularly foul mood in Atlanta and it felt good to unload on you. That was the day my cousin called to say my grandmother had decided to stop treatments, so—”
“Oh, for the love of fuck!” I yell, palming my forehead. “No wonder you tore into me that day, after I tore into you, so cluelessly—and in front of everyone.”
“I wasn’t in my right mind in Atlanta,” he says. “I was scared to death for my grandmother. Angry at God for making humans mortal creatures. So, when you read me the Riot Act in front of everyone, I just sort of used it as an excuse to get all my anger out. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I was pissed at you for tearing into me in front of everyone. That was lame of you to do that, Laila. But I wasn’t nearly as pissed at you, specifically, as it seemed. I was mostly just taking a whole lot of shit out on you.”
I rub my forehead, feeling physically dizzy and disoriented by Savage’s words. After months of casting Savage as the villain in my narrative, I suddenly feel like I was equally villainous, if not more so. At least, in relation to what happened in Atlanta. But before I’ve figured out what to say in response, a PA approaches and tells us it’s time to line up on the far side of the game room, in order to await our cue to enter the press conference.
As the PA escorts Savage and me across the room, she tells us Sunshine Vaughn, the longtime host of Sing Your Heart Out, has already started making some opening remarks. The PA explains, “After Sunshine finishes her opening speech, the judges will be trotted