should have thought about that, really. I mean, with your background, this is all new for you.”
“With my background? My little Midwestern, small town, small life, small dreams background? That’s what you really want to say, isn’t it? That this isn’t my world. That this was never going to be my world. Well, maybe you’re right.”
“Maybe I am. You’re jealous. You’re totally and completely jealous. What is it? Are you still mad about the fake girlfriend thing? That was all Marcus’s idea. And the James Ross people. That’s Hollywood bullshit, Hals. I’ve told you that a million times. We had to make it look real, so I kissed her once for the cameras at the premiere.”
“This has nothing to do with some fake date that you took to a premiere. It doesn’t even have anything to do with the fact that we can’t be seen in public because some producers that you’ve never even met are afraid that having a girlfriend would make you less desirable to the preteen set. I’m not jealous. You’re an asshole, did you know that?”
She’s looking at me like she’s never seen me before.
Part of me wants to fall at her feet and take back everything I said, and pretend that this hasn’t been festering between us for too long. But I can’t. I’m too angry with her, and maybe even with myself. I feel myself falling further into the hole, but I can’t stop it.
“Oh, who’s the asshole? Of course you’re jealous. What are you doing in London, Hallie? Besides taking advantage of the free room and board, that is.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing here. I really have no idea what I’m doing here.”
She bites her lip again and turns so that only her back is visible to me. I can see her start to shake. I should want to comfort her, but the fact that she’s turning away makes me even angrier.
“You need to get your own dreams, instead of hanging around me like some stupid puppy dog. You need to figure out who you want to be in life, because I can tell you right now that I don’t need a nursemaid, or a mother, or another person trying to tell me how to live my life. I mean, really, don’t you think it’s time that you figured out how to have a life outside of me?”
She spins around suddenly and faces me head-on. “I think you’re right about that. I do need to figure out how to have a life that involves something and someone other than you. Because you know what I don’t want? I don’t want to keep doing this. Because you do need a nursemaid, or a mother. Someone needs to tell you how to live your life, because you sure as hell aren’t doing a very good job of that right now. I’ll tell you right now, though, I didn’t apply for the position of personal assistant to a movie star.”
“No. You applied for the position of my girlfriend. I don’t see you turning down any of the perks of that, though. That’s probably what you wanted all along, to get a taste of what it would be like to be rich and famous. Isn’t it? How was it, Hallie? Fucking a movie star?”
She takes a long breath and her eyes narrow into slits.
“You once told me that you were never going to turn into your father. I have to say that I think you’re doing a pretty fine imitation right now, except for the fact that your father realized his mistakes and he tried to atone for them. But you’re not sorry about anything. And you never will be.”
Chapter 19
HALLIE
5 Years Earlier
London
As soon as I say the words, I want to take them back. I’m not sure he’s even heard anything I’ve said, up to that point, but I know the word father caught his attention, because his face fills with rage.
“Chris…I didn’t mean to say…”
“Yes, you did.”
“I just…I’m scared for you. That’s all.”
“Scared for me? That’s a load of bullshit, Hals. You think…you think that I’m like my father, huh? Like this?”
He picks up the glass tumbler from beside the bed and throws it against the wall. The shreds of glass shatter and spill onto the carpet. I shrink back into a corner and cover my face. This is how the world ends.
At least, this is how my world ends.
“Now you’re afraid of me? You’re afraid I’m going to hurt you? Like that guy