sure you had a great, indignant speech prepared, too. You’ll just have to save it for the next time Marcus pisses you off.”
His shoulders slump. “I repeat. What are you doing here, Hallie?”
“Freezing my butt off, Jensen.”
“I didn’t invite you. Go back inside.”
“I wanted to make sure that you were all right.”
He takes my shoulders in his hands and turns my body so that we’re staring directly into each other’s eyes.
“You shouldn’t have to ask me if I’m okay. You should never have to ask me that.”
He’s shaking a little and his skin is cold to the touch.
“Let’s go inside, Chris.”
“I don’t want to go inside.”
He sounds so much like Grace that I have to laugh.
“Yes, you do. But more importantly, I need to get back inside before I actually, literally, begin to freeze. I let Eva talk me into the fashionable choice when I should have gone for jeans and a sweater.”
He opens his mouth to protest, but he nods when he inspects my shivering form more closely.
“Fine. We’ll go in.”
He reaches the stairs first, and I follow until he comes to an abrupt halt about halfway down.
“Hallie, I thought you needed time to think. To consider. Just a little time, you said. No alternative meanings.”
I can’t fathom why he seems so angry. He’s practically shaking with it. Then, I look more closely into his face.
“Chris, what’s wrong?”
“What isn’t wrong?”
“You’re shaking. Come on.”
“Come on what, Hallie?”
“Talk to me.”
“What do you want to know?”
I want to know everything, but I can tell that isn’t what he needs to hear right now. When we reach the bottom of the stairs, the floor is empty, but I don’t want to have this conversation in the middle of the hallway. I’m not sure what conversation I want to have. But I know that I need to keep him talking, that I can’t just let it be. Not when he looks like he just got hit by a freight train.
I open the door to my room and expect him to follow me. Instead, he remains in the hallway, looking pitiful.
“Come inside.”
“I can’t.”
“I’m not going to attack you. Scout’s honor. Come inside before I have to scream at you.”
He’s reluctant. “Only for a minute.”
I shut the door behind us, and he sits tentatively on the end of the bed. I hand him a bottle of water from the minibar, and that act manages to elicit a small smile.
“I thought you said minibars were the devil.”
“I thought you said they were God’s little gift to mankind.”
He doesn’t respond to that, but I notice that he reaches into his pocket before beginning to play with the edge of the blanket, touching it again and again with his hands and shredding the corners.
“They’re going to charge that blanket to my room, you know.”
“Bill me.”
“Why were you headed up to that roof, Chris?”
He spins his head very slowly to face mine.
“My name is Chris Jensen, and I’m an alcoholic.”
Obviously, I know that. I must have known, even back when we were kids and everyone drank too much. I also knew from the second I saw him in New York that he had gotten sober. Sam’s observations had only confirmed it. I still feel relieved when I hear him say it aloud, when he admits to me that he knows it, too.
“I haven’t had a drink in three years.” He turns to me with a fierce expression. “And I didn’t have one tonight. I wanted one more than I’ve ever wanted one in my life, but I didn’t have one tonight. You know, in case that was what you were worried about.”
“I wasn’t worried about that.”
It’s true. I’ve seen Chris drunk, and I’ve seen him tipsy, and I’ve seen him everywhere in between and beyond, and he isn’t any of those things. It doesn’t make my worry any less potent.
“I did AA. The twelve steps.”
“I hoped for it, and I’m glad to hear it now.”
“I may have skipped the most important one. Making amends. I told you I was sorry for New York, but maybe that’s not really what I’m sorry for.”
“I’m sorry, too.”
“What do you have to be sorry for?”
“Oh, a million things. For being young and stupid and for not telling you what I really thought and felt. For not demanding that you get the help that you needed. I was just as complicit in a lot of it as you were.” He starts to talk, but I shake my head. “Please don’t. Not if you’re only going