tucking it around my neck. He leaned closer to me, kissing my cheek, and then nuzzling my ear playfully. I as usual sighed. Every time we touched, I was unable to move, barely able to breathe, and loved every minute of it.
I leaned into Will thoroughly enjoying the moment, when he suddenly pulled away. A look of anguish crossed his beautiful face. I was speechless at his strange reaction to me getting closer to him. He stepped back, his hand covering his mouth. His eyes were slightly damp. I felt a stab of physical pain in my chest, at the way he moved away from me.
I couldn’t believe he was acting like this. I tried to think of what I might have done or said that afternoon to cause him to act like this. I couldn’t think of anything.
The whole afternoon we had so much fun and I loved finally meeting some of Will’s mysterious family. I never pushed him to introduce me to any of them. I felt he would do that when he was ready. I watched him act as if he suddenly didn’t even want to be in the park with me anymore and it hurt.
Chapter 11
“William”
I watched her, her cheeks red flushed with joy all afternoon. We had made so many wonderful memories the past few months. I noticed more and more she asked questions about my past, growing up, and things of that nature. I hated myself for having to lie to her and make up ridiculous stories. I had to tell her the truth; she deserved to know who and what I truly was. I would have to accept her choice if the reality of my existence was too much for her. I must let her go. I could feel the pain inside at even thinking she would hate me and send me away once she knew what I really was.
I was expecting it, of course, to see the look of disgust in her eyes, which would destroy what little soul I still had left inside me. I would have an eternity to live with her choice, to grieve the loss of her love, to swim in the pain of knowing the only person I ever loved hated me. I had no choice. I could feel the darker side of me seeping into my mind when we kissed. I found myself moving too close, the old hunger pushing me again. I was ready for her to look at me like the freak I was and turn and run, never looking back. I deserved it.
This would be my pain to bear for I had let myself fall in love with someone I should never have been close enough to touch. Corrine was all that was pure and good and I was all that was dark and bad. Even though I had sworn myself to end that behavior, it was a part of me that is deeply imbedded and I couldn’t rid myself of it even if I wanted to. I stood there surrounded by happy families, kids laughing life going on around us. I felt like I was in that Jerry Maguire movie where his boss fires him in the middle of the crowded restaurant.
Chapter 12
Back to “Corrine’s point of view”
“Will, what’s wrong, what did I do?” I bit my lip trying not to cry, so hurt by his sudden coldness toward me.
“You,” he said pinching the bridge of his nose as if he was in pain. “You have done nothing wrong, Corrine.” His voice was so soft he seemed exhausted by just saying those few words.
“Will, I don’t understand what’s going on.” The look on his face was worrying me. I knew it now as I watched him closely. The “it’s not you, it’s me” speech was coming. The classic textbook line played out in movies and real life too many times to count. This was it. He was dumping me I could feel it. I should have expected it, why would someone like him, so perfect, want a certified lunatic like me for a girlfriend. I couldn’t blame him. Hell, I was on suicide watch just less than a year ago, and even today, I still had to go to a therapist every Monday at 4 p.m.
I dug my numb hands into my coat pockets, staring down at my snow boots, too sick to look at him now that I “got” what he was trying to tell me. I couldn’t believe that he