promised me my problems in the past meant nothing to him and he loved me no matter what had happened. It was clear something about me bothered him enough to want me out of his life.
“Corrine.” He had moved closer. I couldn’t look up.
“I…I have to go.” I muttered, my vision blurring as tears welled up in my eyes. I turned to head for the parking lot. I had to call Gran or dad for a ride or maybe Beth since Will had driven us to the hill. I took a deep breath. If I could just make it home and get out of here maybe, I would be ok..maybe. I had to get out of here and fast.
“No.” He gasped reaching out and catching my coat sleeve, pulling me back to him. “Please don’t go, let me explain!”
“Explain what Will? I think I get the idea, okay. I am crazy.” I choked out. “Not stupid, I see how you are acting now.” I watched a look of sadness slide over his face as he shook his head. “I can tell you don’t want me around.”
“It’s not like that, please just wait and let me tell you what’s wrong with me.” He was begging. I sniffed wiping my eyes with my gloved hand. Little bits of ice stuck to it and it hurt my cheek. I stepped back in frustration. Will looked around assessing our privacy level. I still wanted to run.
“I have to go.”
“Please, can we talk by the shelter house?” He looked nervously around; many people were still sledding despite the increase of heavy snow falling. I could only nod as he took my hand and led me to the empty shelter house. I really didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say, but he seemed desperate to tell me. Will pushed the snow off one of the many picnic tables filling the area. I sat down thankful to be doing so, my knees felt like rubber.
“Corrine, you have to know there could be problems with us being together.” He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. “So many problems… it’s hard to know where to start.” He ran his hand through his hair.
“Oh so it’s not me, it’s you then is it?” I shook my head. “That’s a good one, Will!” I snapped. “Thanks for keeping it original.”
“I have problems.” He looked down at me as he sat down slowly, the words paining him. “I’m not really… normal, Corinne.” He took a deep breath. “I have so many problems, but I cannot tell you straight out.”
“Oh come on Will who is normal?” I froze suddenly thinking of something. “You are gay? Is that it? Oh not you…I mean, that’s fine. I have no problem with people that are, it’s their choice, but why did you lead me on like this? Is that it? Oh hell.” I gasped trying to figure out why he would keep this from me for so long.
“No…no I’m trying to tell you I’m not like anyone you know, and I am straight by the way. I always have been; it’s not anything like that.” He stared into my eyes. “I am not like you Corrine. I’m not like anyone you have ever known.” I looked at him confused. He could not be retarded or slow. He was the smartest person I knew; this was so confusing. I thought of my (William) list at home in my old tattered notebook, the odd side began screaming out to me. I could see every word I had written in my mind.
“I just cannot be with you; really it is not safe at all.” He paused, his voice low and deadly serious. I got chills, and not from the cold wind ripping through the open aired shelter house. “This.” He waved his hand around to further his point. “This could all end very badly for us all.” He looked down at his own boots now. “I’m not as good as you think I am; you cannot imagine who I truly am and the things I have done.” The look in his eyes made my breath catch in my throat. He was hurting and I had no idea why. I exhaled loudly. He was like a puzzle with missing pieces and I hated puzzles. “I don’t know what to do.” He closed his eyes again, as he tried to gather his thoughts; I reached over and took his hand.