as helpful as he could be, he advised that all the flights until then were fully booked, but if I wanted to come and sit at the airport then I could be on reserve incase a seat was cancelled. I said I’d think about it, but in reality I can’t bare the thought of sitting there, publicly crying all day and night.
I should speak to Carlos, if only to let him know I’m going, but he hasn’t called so I can only imagine that he has not changed his mind since last night.
I resolve to write him a letter, although I spend the first hour sitting with my pen poised over the paper, at a loss at what to say. Finally I manage to put it into words –My Dearest Carlos,
Firstly I am so sorry for what you saw, but please believe me when I say it truly was not what it looked like. Your brother forced himself on me after getting me drunk, which is when you walked in. He said after that he just did it to get rid of me because I didn’t deserve you.
Whatever his motives though, it was a cruel and callus thing to do, to both of us.
I understand how you must feel though and I know that there is no reason why you should trust me, but if nothing else, I want you to understand what you mean to me.
These last two weeks, hectic as they were, have been nothing short of a miraculous. I never thought I could feel this way about anyone and through that I have learnt so much about myself as well. I am a better person for knowing you and it pains me deeply to think that I will no longer have you in my life.
I will always treasure the time we had together and I will always hold a place for you in my heart.
I love you.
Kaitlin x
It’s still doesn’t get across the depth of my feelings for him, but I think admitting that I love him goes some way towards that; and it’s true, I do love him, it sounds mad to say after just two weeks, but I can’t deny it. I think about him constantly, I day dream about our future together and I’m purely elated from just being close to him, it all adds up, I love Carlos Johnson.
But what does it matter now? I’ve ruined it, I’ve lost the love of my life.
If only I hadn’t gone back to the house, or if I had excused myself and hid out in our room till Carlos got back, things might have been different.
Who am I kidding? Marcus was set on breaking us up as soon as he clapped eyes on me, that psycho son of a bitch! I never stood a chance.
My fury towards Marcus spurs me long enough to shower vigorously and dress, but as I reach the door to leave I find myself empty again. What if I bump into Carlos, or Marcus, or their parents!? What could I say? ‘Sorry I’ve blown into your lives like a tornado and turned everything upside down, but don’t worry I’ll be leaving tomorrow’.
I need support, I just can’t do it alone; returning to the phone I call Blair, it’s two now so I doubt she’s in, but it’s worth a try. She answers shortly and in my relief at hearing her voice, the whole story falls from my lips, omitting only the part about changing my flight.
“My gosh Kate, you have got to be having the worst holiday on earth! Do you want me to come over to you?”
“If you don’t mind I just want to get out of here, I feel stifled stuck in this room” I need to walk and talk to clear my head.
“Give me ten minutes, then meet me on the beach, where we were yesterday” she suggests.
“Ok, thanks Blair, you’re a star” I say genuinely humbled by her relentless ability to come through for me.
Now all I have to do is leave the room. I should have taken up her offer to come to me; I plot the route I want to take, it’s probably safest to stick to the most populated areas, rather than the side paths. I feel sick with nerves, all I want is to be with him, but the thought of bumping in to him right now could not be more scary. I don’t know how I will get my letter to him; delivering