angry tears from dampening my eyes, so stricken was I by the news.
“Javaher—you are truly frightened for me—is that it?”
“Yes, my lieutenant,” I replied, wiping my face and trying to collect myself. “I am truly frightened.”
“Don’t worry about me. Very few people know of our plans: only Gowhar and Sultanam, who are on our side, plus Fareed, who needs money, and the physician, who is compromised by his own past. Is there anyone else?”
“No,” I said, because I did not want to implicate Fereshteh or Balamani. And then I was filled with fear: Would they betray us?
“All right, then. We will curse Khadijeh’s name and express righteous pleasure that the Shah has foiled a slave’s plot against his life.”
“It was brave of her to make the attempt,” I insisted.
“I can’t approve of a slave deciding to poison the Shah. It was overstepping her station.”
“Overstepping? Then why is it right for us to do so?”
“I have royal blood.”
I was flooded with rage. She should be praising Khadijeh’s name, not condemning her.
“Javaher,” Pari said, looking at me strangely, “you are shaking. Did you have anything to do with Khadijeh’s plan?”
“Nothing at all,” I replied, and it was the one true thing I had said all morning. “But I am sick over it. I only wish I had known so I could have stopped her.”
“By God above, I have never seen your heart so inflamed. What are you keeping secret from me?”
I remembered Khadijeh offering me a taste of jam, her eyes sweeter than the sugared quince. Now those eyes were sightless forever. Fervently I wished I had never revealed our plans; what a fool I had been!
“We were good friends,” I confessed. “Now she is dead, and it is all because she wanted to help.”
I fell to a squat, my arms dangling brokenly between my knees. I felt as if my skin had peeled off, leaving all my organs bare to the elements and every nerve pulsing with pain. I longed from the depths of my soul for the extinction of all my senses. Had I been near a high mountain pass, I would have leapt with gratitude to my death. For a long time, I forgot where I was.
When my head finally cleared and I stood up, shaken, a tray had appeared beside me with one of Pari’s handkerchiefs and a vessel of something. I wiped my face.
“Javaher, drink the mixture. It will soothe you.” Pari’s voice seemed to come from far away.
I smelled bitter herbs and honey, which I consumed in a single draft. Dullness flooded through me.
“I am sorry about your friend.”
I could not speak.
“How I wish that even one of my brothers could boast the kind and loyal blood that sparkles like rubies in your veins! I deeply regret that your service to me has caused you so much grief. Oh, Javaher! If you only knew how much I wish I could shield you from the ugly business of the court, how I long to make our lives shine as bright as gold. How can I ever thank you enough for the risks you take for me every day?”
Her moist eye and anguished lip revealed the depth of her concern. How caring she was in that moment of my most crushing sorrow! Was it even—could it be—the tenderness of filial love that I saw blossoming in her regard? She had virtually said so, had she not? As I walked back to my quarters in the harsh morning sun, I felt as if my heart would shred with feeling, like a peony swirling its bloody skirts.
For the rest of that week, I was at pains to assume the expression that I must wear when Khadijeh was mentioned, one of grim satisfaction that justice had been served at the palace. But when I allowed myself to think of her, I remembered the delicacy of her brown body under her orange robe, and I drew courage from knowing that she had needed nothing to guide her but her determined heart. Had there ever been a man who could claim to be as fearless? She had never even held the heavy swords and sharp daggers that gave soldiers their swagger. Khadijeh may have been a slave, but in her heart, she was a lion-woman.
CHAPTER 7
AN END TO THE CHASE
As soon as he was old enough, Fereydoon began learning the arts of horse riding, swordsmanship, and military strategy. Once he had mastered these endeavors, he began training an army in the desert to