my poor, neglected face.
Once, I’ve survived all that without having another panic attack, I search for something to wear. As I walk through my large bedroom, it reminds me of a hotel room. Celery-green walls and silky brown Berber carpet grace this room. It’s so different from my old room. Espresso wooden cabinets surround the wall that faces my large bed. A pang of homesickness washes over me. I slip on a pale blue dress because it requires less energy than having to go through pulling on pants.
Like an old woman, I enter the upscale kitchen. It’s smaller than what I’m used to.
My dad bought this loft years ago. He never stayed here, as he was still living with my mom and me in Manhattan. To be honest, I’m sure my greedy mother has no idea it exists. Probably why he seems to love it. He and Lana have had it completely refurbished.
Svetlana, or Lana as I affectionately call her, is sitting with a magazine, happily drinking her coffee.
She smiles at me. “So much better, right?”
Rolling my puffy eyes at her, I proceed to melt down.
“Reed has broken up with me.” I hiccup, trying to tell her everything from masturbating on Skype, to Reed giving me an ultimatum. It’s all coming out fast and garbled. It doesn’t even make sense to me, but Svetlana is holding me, murmuring encouraging things and letting me sob all over her Chanel dress.
When I have nothing left to say, she wipes my eyes, sits me on the stool next to her, and pours me some coffee.
Fixing her Rolex, she crosses her long legs. “Well, your boy is definitely very naughty. And so domineering already.” She lifts my face. “You sure that’s what you want? He is only going to get worse as a man.”
“He’s not mine anymore, so I guess it doesn’t matter.” I grab her hand as it dawns on me he’s truly left me.
“Oh my God. What am I going to do?” I look around the kitchen as if it can help me.
Lana slaps the wooden island, making me jump. “You are going to thrive, my beauty. And don’t be so dramatic. He wants you! It’s all right to grieve. Then you need to take your power back. Did you call Brance?”
I blink at her, not understanding what she said, but I am feeling slightly better. I shake my head. “I can’t touch that phone.”
Her eyes narrow on me as if that’s the most normal thing to say, and she nods. “Fine. We need to get you a new one.” Her slight Russian accent emerges. “Use mine.” She hands it to me. “And eat this.” She forces a banana into my hand.
After a deep breath, I press Brance’s number, taking a small bite of banana as I wait for him to answer.
“Lana?”
“No, it’s me.” I barely choke out the words, my tears hot and stinging.
He sighs. “Pretty Girl, it’s going to be okay.”
I nod then realize he can’t see me. “Yes… I need my power back.”
“Um, yes this is true. I see Lana has started without me. Listen, I’m flying in on Friday, staying until Tuesday.”
“Good,” is all I can utter.
“I have to fly commercial.” The annoyance in his voice is clear.
“Brance, my life is falling apart. Please don’t complain about first class!” I look at the ceiling trying to get control of myself.
He’s silent. I can almost see him pouting as I try to take a small sip of coffee. “I’m getting a new phone.” My voice is shaky at best.
“Good, that’s a good first step and when I get there, Lana and I will have you wondering why you ever shed a tear for that arrogant prick.”
I start crying again. Did he have to mention him? “He’s my soul mate, Brance, and now he’s gone. I’ve lost my soul!” I clap my hand over my mouth, trying not to completely lose it again.
“Goddamn it, Tess, he is a domineering, spoiled fuck! Can’t you look at this as maybe a blessing in disguise?”
“No, he’s mine!” Yet he isn’t anymore. He could be sleeping, kissing, touching another girl as I sit here. A torturous vision of Reed doing all those things almost makes me lean over the sink and vomit.
“Tess? You still there?”
Clutching the phone so tightly my fingers are numb, I answer, “Brance, you have to find out what’s going on. You have to spy. I need to know everything Reed is doing.”
Jesus, I sound like a lunatic. But I don’t