made—no matter how much those choices might hurt you. “The reason I ended things was because I’d started wanting more.”
He shifted slightly, standing closer to her. “Wanting more how?” he asked softly.
Toni looked down at their feet, and his finger nudged her face back up to look at him. “Tell me, Toni.”
She drew in a deep breath. It was important that he understood that it wasn’t anything he’d done, that the fault had been totally hers. “I knew our agreement. In the beginning, I only wanted to be your sex-buddy, and that’s what you wanted, too. The reason I felt that way was because of my mom. I never wanted to be hurt to the point where I’d want to die like she did. I was determined to protect my heart.”
“And?” he prompted.
“And I noticed things were changing.”
He nodded. “Changing how?”
She noticed his hold on her hand had changed, as well. Now their fingers were entwined. “Not with you, but with me. I began looking forward to our hookups more than I wanted to, more than I should have. Then I would regret the times we had to say goodbye. I enjoyed being with you all the time, not just in the bedroom. I began enjoying our walks on the beach, and when we would discuss our cases at work. Sharing ideas. That’s when I realized what was happening and I had to stop it.”
“Stop what?”
“I’d begun feeling things for you that I swore I would never feel for a man. That’s when I knew I had to get away from you, Drew.”
When he didn’t say anything, she added, “I convinced myself that ending things between us was the only way I could save myself from heartache.”
He stared at her and she figured he was trying to figure out a way to tell her she’d done the right thing in breaking things off because he hadn’t felt the same way about her. “I wish you’d told me, Toni.”
She shrugged. “There was no reason to tell you. It was my problem to deal with, and it wasn’t fair to you that I was changing the terms of our agreement.”
He released her hand and cupped her face. “Had you told me, I could have admitted that I’d started to experience similar emotions. That for the first time in my entire life, I had allowed myself to want more, too. More with you.”
Toni blinked, not sure she’d heard him correctly. “What did you say?”
“You heard me correctly. I had begun feeling things for you. But unlike you, I had no plans to end things. I intended to hang in there for as long as it took to get you to see that hooking up with a guy like me wasn’t so bad.”
Toni tilted her head to stare at him. “Are you saying you began caring for me in a non-sexual way?”
He gave her a sexy grin. “Yes, but don’t get me wrong—I still enjoyed you in a sexual way. I definitely liked having you as my sex-buddy. But after a few months, I’d realized how good we were together. I could see us sharing more. In fact, we had begun sharing more.”
She nodded. “That’s when I realized I wanted even more. Talking to you was too easy, and I wanted to introduce you to my grandparents. I wanted to start building something with you that I didn’t think you’d want or were ready for.”
“I had planned to bring up the subject when we met in Savannah that weekend,” he said.
“But I called and ended things,” she said.
“Yes, you ended things.”
She didn’t say anything for a long moment as she stared at him, trying to fight the feeling of being overwhelmed. Just because he’d said he had wanted more then, that didn’t necessarily mean he wanted more now. It had been almost five years.
Toni took a step back. “So now you know why I owe you an apology. And you don’t have to worry about me causing problems while we’re at work. I will keep my emotions in check.”
He frowned down at her as he slid his hands from her face to place them at her waist. “Did you not hear what I said, Toni? I admitted I have feelings for you.”
She nodded. “Yes, you did...nearly five years ago. A lot has happened since then.”
“And you don’t think we could move beyond that?”
Her heart began beating fast in her chest. “Do you want to?”
“Yes, although we need to decide how we’re going to proceed.