Conversation ended and silence surrounded them. He suddenly felt the need to touch her in some kind of way. Impulsively, one of his hands moved from his side and took a hold of hers. He’d expected her to snatch her hand back, but she didn’t. Instead, she seemed to tighten her hold.
Holding her hand felt good. It didn’t matter if it didn’t make sense that they were standing beside each other, not saying anything and holding hands while staring at a blank wall. What mattered more than anything—at least to him—was the heat between them. He felt it and was certain she did, too.
Something powerful was happening between them at that moment. Something time and distance, as well as animosity and miscommunication, had not been able to eradicate. He had felt it the day he’d met her in San Diego, and the connection was just as strong now as it had been then.
He pushed that thought from his mind, mentally putting up the shield he’d erected around his heart. After all, she’d been the one who had ended things between them. The one who had walked away without looking back. She had been the one who had not bothered to contact him afterwards. He had not heard from her close to five long, miserable years.
The question he should be asking himself then was why was he subjecting himself to even more pain by helping her unpack? Why was he standing here holding her hand, and why was he feeling emotions he had fought hard not to feel ever again? Especially with her.
He was about to tug his hand away when he heard it—the faint sound of a sob. When he looked at her, he saw the tears clinging to her lashes. Turning to her, he used his other hand to reach up and run a finger along her jaw. “Toni, what’s wrong?”
• • •
Toni almost came undone at having Drew’s hands on her once again. How could she give him an answer without exposing her heart? But then, would exposing her heart be such a bad thing? After all, she loved him.
But did he love her? Would the revelation make him uncomfortable, causing an unsettling work environment for him? She wouldn’t want that. She also wouldn’t want to feel vulnerable if he knew that he had a part of her heart.
She decided not to tell him anything. After he left, she would pull herself together, and when she saw him again, she would tell him one of those monthly hormonal things was to blame. Or that she’d been missing her grandparents. It would neither be a total lie, nor the complete truth, but a believable excuse. One he would have no reason to question, although she’d never gotten emotional around him before. But then there was a first time for everything.
“Toni? Talk to me, baby. Tell me what’s wrong.”
Baby? Not only had he used a term of endearment he had never used before with her, but on top of that, he’d spoken in the most caring, concerned, and compassionate voice she’d ever heard him use. Then again, in the past, she’d never let herself be vulnerable in front of him. She had always been this super strong, kickass, don’t-ever-want-to-get-serious-with-a-man woman, who’d been sure of herself, and knew what type of relationship she’d wanted to share with him. Sensuous but not serious. Close but not personal. Attached in bed, but unattached at every other time. She had let him know upfront that love was not an emotion she believed in or wanted in her life. They would be sex-buddies and nothing more.
Then she’d begun wanting more.
Hesitating, she said, “I owe you an apology, Drew.”
He held her gaze, and she began to feel a little drunk looking into the depths of his mesmerizing eyes. “An apology for what, Toni?” His finger moved from her jaw, up her cheek, and then down again, gently stroking.
His touch felt so encouraging. It gave her the strength to be forthright with him. Now was the time for truth, she thought. “For how I ended things between us. You deserved to know the reason I ended things, but I couldn’t tell you at the time.”
He didn’t say anything for a moment. “Can you tell me now?”
Could she? Yes, she had to. Her therapy sessions with Dr. Tolbert had helped her deal with a lot of things. And they had made her realize that a person couldn’t blame themselves for choices other people had