That was in the first week of the semester, actually, so you could have saved yourself the bother of prowling around in people’s offices and just molested a few more of our students in the meantime.”
Hornberger is making a good show of keeping his countenance, but he is completely bowled over. “Can we talk about this? Perhaps we can—”
“Oh, shut up, Nick!”
“What will you do with it? Hand it over to the papers so they can run another article about me?”
“You are paying rather dearly for free sex with young women.” Giles hesitates. “Was it worth it?”
“Depends on the finale of this little farce,” Hornberger jeers, showing his teeth. “Fucking a woman like you just fucked that one makes you feel like a god, doesn’t it? That’s got to be worth some risk.”
Giles gazes at him.
“Yeah,” he says after a long pause.
Hornberger returns to the subject closer to his heart than student totty. “What are you going to do with the file?”
“If you refrain from bandying a lady’s name about the place, I will make sure it does not reach the hands of university admin, nor of the police. I would ask you for your word, if I thought it was worth anything.”
Hornberger shifts his weight to one foot and seems to consider the deal offered to him. I am considering it, too.
Chapter 30
THE MOMENT HORNBERGER PULLS THE DOOR shut behind him, I realize that Giles and I are no longer on the same side.
“You better get dressed,” he says and throws me my bra and my blouse, turning his back to gaze out the dark window while I wriggle back into my crumpled clothes. I am so cold now, with shock and with the December air howling in through the roof, that my fingers are numb and useless.
And where do we go from here?
I don’t even know where “here” is. The moment Giles traded in the truth about Hornberger’s past for the preservation of my good name? The moment Giles managed to rise above his humiliation at the hands of another man to stay true to his woman? The moment he began to thrust into me again, after holding off so bravely for my pleasure? The moment he came into the observatory and, without so much as a by-your-leave, started to undress me? The moment I realized that Selena is our mysterious graffiti artist and vandal? The moment Ma Mayfield told me that my students have accused me of sexual harassment?
Where do I pick up the thread?
“Don’t worry,” Giles says. “He won’t tell the Provost.”
“No, I-I know. I’m not worried.” I hand him back his jacket, and he casts me a glance full of ironic disbelief.
There is so much to talk about. I just want to be quiet.
Giles has himself perfectly in hand. Polite, suave. Avoids eye contact. As if he has lost interest in me already.
“I’m not going to apologize, if that’s what you think.”
“What about?” I stare at him, stupidly. My crotch is wet and cold. It’s a good thing I came by car this morning.
He gives one of his sarcastic spurts of laughter.
“I swore to myself that I wouldn’t touch you again, since you are obviously, upon reflection, not interested. And I know that you are wise to keep away from me. But the moment I catch you alone, unaware, I pounce on you, like a—” He breaks off in complete disgust. “Like a Hornberger!”
“Giles, please—” I reach for his hand, but he is too upset to be touched. “Don’t shout at me! You’ve turned me inside out. I can’t cover up so fast…not enough to fight.”
“That! That’s exactly the problem!” he explodes, and I flinch. “I want to turn you inside out! It’s the most exciting thing I have done in my entire life! There—pathetic, isn’t it? Whenever I touch you, you come all over me, and you’re not even faking it, are you? Or have you been faking?”
He frowns at me as if this was a thought to horrible to contemplate. I shake my head.
“I understand scruples,” he goes on, a little calmer. “I have them myself, and to spare! This thing, whatever it is, frightens the hell out of me! But I’m English, so I’m the hypocrite!”
“Giles—I didn’t say that.”
“I waited for your call all week, after that night at Notre Dame! I’m such a goddamn idiot!”
“I wanted to call you, I almost did! But—”
“You got cold feet. I gathered that.”
“No! Well, yes, that too, but it’s also a question of—well, of priorities!