touches, just crossed his arms over Colin’s back. He could do that easily; Colin was stupid skinny. Judd’s big hands curled over Colin’s lower ribs, molding the shape, not gripping at all.
“This okay?” rumbled out Judd’s deep voice under Colin’s chin. For the first time, Colin caught the hint of an accent that had been muted by decades in the New World. Something European in origin, that formed the word okay unnaturally, but with great precision.
“Yeah. This is great.” Colin was surprised to find it was great. He wasn’t lying at all.
He still wanted to bolt, but that was because he liked it too much. He decided to be kind to himself, because Isaac had said it was fine to do that. Because, he realized, surprised by his own insight, that the pack was always unfailingly kind to him. Especially Alec. If the Alpha could extend Colin some measure of grace, perhaps he could extend that same grace to himself? Perhaps it didn’t mean he was weak, it just meant he was loved.
It felt right to be there, held by someone stronger. Leaning on someone else. It also felt scary.
Colin started gathering his courage, reminded himself not to relax so much that it implied trust. Taking a deep shaky breath, pulling the last of Judd’s scent into his memory, Colin pushed himself away.
Instantly, Judd lowered his arms. “That was great, kid. Thank you.”
“For a hug?”
“What, you thought I didn’t need them too?”
Colin had thought that. Judd always seemed a bit impervious to the needs of man or wolf. “But you’re so strong.”
“Hugs don’t make me less so. Needing touch isn’t a failing. It’s natural.”
“For werewolves.”
“For anyone, Gingersnap. Shifter or human. Even Max likes a hug on occasion and he’s more prickly than a hedgehog surfing a pincushion.”
Colin let himself consider that maybe hugging his pack mates wasn’t that big a deal. He’d have to examine the idea more closely, later. “Why do you always call me that?”
“Gingersnap? It’s my favorite cookie. Although, to be fair, I prefer the soft chewy version. And you are ginger. Don’t you like it?” Judd looked… What? Nervous? Hesitant? Prepared to be crushed?
Colin actually liked Gingersnap. It made him feel spicy and interesting. Plus no one else had ever had a special name for him, only Judd ever bothered. “It’s fine. Why do you always call me kid?”
“‘Cause you are to me. I’m decades older than you. Over a century, even.”
“Surely you aren’t that old. Besides, werewolves get that way. Big age differences. You’re a lot older than the rest of this pack, too.”
“Yeah. But you’re the youngest here.” Judd sounded a bit too defensive.
Curious.
“So you use the word kid because you’re trying to remind me, or yourself, of how young I am?” Colin felt he was being rather daring. The implication that there was some reason Judd needed to establish distance. Which was preposterous. Colin didn’t really believe Judd was interested in him as a lover, but it was fun to tease him with the idea. Kid seemed to imply a chink in Judd’s armor.
Judd gave a dry rumbling chuckle. “Probably both. You know I find you wildly attractive, right?”
Colin laughed. It had to be a joke. “You are sweet. Trying to make me feel better.”
Judd tensed, defensive. “I know your father made you invisible… Well, I know that now. And I know that you had a rough time in school, and that your mom left you, and all that shit. Sure, you were an awkward teenager, but you do realize you grew out of it? You do possess a mirror.” He waved a hand at the one above Colin’s dresser.
Colin was offended. There was no need for Judd to lie to his face. He had been feeling better. But the idea that he was anything more than an ugly, wimpy failure was absurd.
He inched away from Judd. Ah, physical distance, my old friend.
Judd looked at the ceiling and sighed.
Colin retreated to the head of the bed to hug his knees to his chest, because he really wanted to hug Judd again and his knees would have to stand substitute. Even though he was upset with the enforcer, Colin wanted to reward Judd for trying to make him feel better, for liking him enough to lie. For implying that Colin was even slightly worthy of Judd’s casual affection, let alone his romantic attention.
“Oh” Judd’s voice was infinitely sad. “You don’t realize.” He leaned across the coverlet, easy for him to do, the bed was