like I was the police and this was a raid.
When no one answered, I knocked again and put my ear up to the door. I could hear movement, but I couldn’t tell what it was from.
My mind went to the darkest place and I was imagining her being attacked. I was seconds away from kicking the door in when it opened. Olivia stood in the doorway with light illuminating her from behind. She was wearing flannel pajama shorts and an oversized T-shirt. Her hair was pulled up in a bun on the top of her head, and the way the light was hitting her it looked like a halo.
“Are you okay?” I asked a little out of breath from the adrenaline racing through me.
“I’m fine.”
“I heard a crash.”
“It was nothing.”
Channing excitedly pushed past her and jumped up to greet me. When it wasn’t too hot outside, Olivia would leave him in the backyard when she went to work. On those days I’d been going out back and hanging out with him. It was my favorite part of the day and I found myself looking forward to it. When I was throwing the ball around or just chilling with Channing, I was calm and had a sense of peace. A ray of light would shine through the dark cloud that followed me around.
After getting out of the service, my brother Hayden had started a program of rescuing dogs to train as therapy animals for vets who suffered from PTSD after getting his own rescue therapy dog, Ranger.
Until spending time with Channing, I hadn’t fully understood the therapeutic benefits that dogs had to offer.
“Channing, down!” Olivia commanded to no avail.
“Sit,” I commanded, and the dog immediately obeyed.
He looked up at me with his huge puppy dog eyes, his tail thumping against the tiled entryway, and his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. I patted his head. “Good boy.”
Olivia looked up at me with wonder. “How did you do that?”
“You just have to have the dominant mind.” Also, I’d been working with him doing basic training. Sit. Stay. Come.
He had a lot of energy and seemed happier when he was being challenged. I wasn’t sure how she’d feel about me training her dog, so I kept it to myself.
“Can I come in?”
Her hazel eyes narrowed, and I could read the indecision in them. I’d rather not apologize standing on her doorstep but if that’s how it had to be then that was fine.
Before I could though, she opened her door further and I stepped inside. When I did, I saw that the contents of her coat closet were pouring out into the front room and the bar that held her coats was broken off and the shelf was haphazardly dangling.
“Do you need some help with—”
“No!” She held up her hand like she was a Supreme singing “Stop in the Name of Love”. “I don’t need your help.”
I might be taking things personally, but I really felt like she’d put a big emphasis on your.
“And if you came over to lecture me,” she continued, “you can save it. I’m not in the mood. I don’t need or want your opinion on my—”
“I’m sorry,” I cut her off.
She crossed her arms defiantly. “Sorry for what?”
I could see that she was not going to make this easy on me and there was no reason that she should.
“Are you sorry for being a dick tonight or an asshole for the past fifteen years?”
I put my hands in my pockets and cast my eyes down to the ground. She had every right to call me an asshole. That is exactly what I’d been. But hearing her say it was harder than I’d expected it to be.
“I’m sorry for both.”
“Why did you stop talking to me when we were kids? What did I do to make you—”
“You didn’t do anything. It was me.” I knew that my explanation sounded lame, but it was the truth.
“Okay, what did you do then?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“It matters to me.” She pressed her palm to her chest.
I knew that there was no point going back and forth with this and we were getting into dangerous territory, so I took a step toward the door. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. We can talk tomorrow. It’s late.”
“I’ve missed you.”
When she said those words, it felt like a punch in my gut. I turned back to her and when I did, I saw the depth of emotion