English class? Do you have any idea how much time I spent?”
My vision tunnels and my pulse pounds in my ears, but I keep silent because it won’t matter what I say. It never matters what I think.
“And now I look like a fool and you’re risking your grade and your swim career in order to prove some sort of point?”
Miguel
Sylvia
Mom
Lucy
Dad
“And what point is that, Sawyer? I don’t understand why you would do this to yourself. Why you would do this to me?”
Senior papers
Swimming
I’m not wrong on pickup
My head pounds
Veronica
School
My hands become clammy
AA meetings
I can’t breathe
“Explain to me exactly what it is you’re trying to prove by deciding to do the project with the weirdest girl at school!”
“Weird?” I repeat.
“Sylvia told Hannah about this girl—how she does weird things and dresses strangely and hangs out with that delinquent Jesse Lachlin and that hippie Nazareth who stopped traffic last week for a cat. They’re losers, Sawyer, crazy even, something I refuse to let you become!”
“That loser is the girl who lives upstairs and is the one who is keeping from her father, your landlord, the fact that your check bounced. She cashed it, and she knows we didn’t have the money and she agreed to give us the extra time. I’d think twice on how you talk about Veronica, because she’s the reason we have a place to live, and how about you check yourself at the door before you walk in yelling at me again.”
I yank my keys out of my pocket, and as I go to walk past Mom she tries to stop me by placing a hand on my arm, but I’m too fast and too strong and I just don’t give a damn.
“Sawyer,” she calls out, following me, but I’m quick to slam the door to my car. I start the engine and my tires squeal as I back up too fast then tear down the driveway.
I take turns too quick
I know what I asked MomI know what I heard
I know I’m not responsible for everything
She’s wrong
I hit eighty at the state road
I’m heading out of town
Toward a jump
Toward a cliff
Toward death
* * *
Down the hallway, near English, Sylvia and I briefly lock eyes. She’s still mad at me and I’m mad at her. I hate it, but I don’t know how to make this standoff end. She’s one of my best friends, but that doesn’t give her permission to be mad at me because I don’t go along with Mom’s plan. I’m grateful we have to sit next to partners in English. That means one less class we have to actively avoid each other in.
“She’s pissed,” Miguel says as he walks up beside me, and Sylvia enters class.
“You think?” Sarcasm in full effect.
“Sylvia feels like you betrayed her.”
Same.
“I should know better than to get involved in this, but don’t you think you two have been friends for too long for this?”
I turn on him. “So I should give? Because, to be honest, I don’t know what I did wrong.”
Miguel moves in front of me, cutting me off from heading into class. “Agreed. You chose a different partner. It doesn’t hurt my feelings, but it did hurt hers. She doesn’t see this as a project, she sees this as you picking Veronica over her as a friend. I don’t understand why Sylvia’s upset, but I will say this—why are you willing to hurt Sylvia over the weird girl? Someone you’ve been friends with since you moved here as compared to the freak who will probably slit your throat in the middle of the night.”
“She’s not weird,” I say as anger leaks into my tone. “And don’t talk like that about her.”
Miguel’s face contorts as he slips to the side, waving me into class. “You lost that portion of the entire argument.”
My head drops as I walk into English. Veronica’s dressed in fairy wings, a torn-up white fairy dress, and there’s fake blood spots all over her outfit, body and face. She texted me last night that today was Halloween, even though it’s September, and told me to dress up. I declined that offer, but accepted the invitation to bring Lucy up for Halloween treats.
Our class is a combination of staring at her, whispering about her and flat-out just talking loud enough about her so she can easily hear. It’s not right, but Veronica makes herself an easy target year after year. I don’t understand why she makes life hard on herself.
Sylvia still watches me like I should