being out. I got a bees nest in my stomach thinking about what would happen if he tried looking for me early in the day and I was nowhere to be found, but I had to ignore it and power forward. Enjoy the trip with Pixie. She had a skip in her step. She’d never really been out of the neighborhood. We were going to get to Poughkeepsie by 10:00 a.m., if the train was on time, so I thought we could go exploring a little before trying to find my mother’s parents’ place.
We peeked out our windows and waved. She didn’t have to sneak because her mom and Bic had left last night for a late flight.
But I did. It was easy enough because my father had made it to his room before passing out. I was able to time his snores with my steps and I was on the sidewalk with Pixie in no time. Pixie had her backpack with her.
“You headed to school instead?” I touched the strap.
She shook her head. “Amateur. We needed snacks and food and something to do on the train. It’s like an hour train ride.”
“Oh. That’s actually a good idea. Nice work.” She and I went over to the ticket machine and fed the right amount of dollars in to get two FastTrack cards with the right amount on them for us both to go to and from.
We felt like adults. And we had enough street smarts from this summer that we hoped we looked too clever to mess with. Well, at least Pixie did. She was snapping gum and watching for the train—totally in her element.
When the train pulled up, she and I navigated for a mostly empty car and took our seats facing the right direction. I let her have the window seat and then settled in for the long ride. It was pretty exciting when the car pulled away from the station, like an adventure. Pixie’s eyes were shining, so I knew she felt the same way I did.
After about ten minutes, I started pestering Pixie for food. “You know, I think I’m dying of starvation.”
She swung her head in my direction. “Did you eat any breakfast?”
“I didn’t want to wake up Bruce.” That part was true, but I also hit my snooze three times, so I clearly wasn’t that upset about it.
“Fine. You can have a snack.” She pulled out a little bag of goldfish for her and one for me.
We ate through those pretty quickly, and like a dam bursting open, once the lunch sack was breached, everything flooded out. Soon enough, we were staring at a bunch of empty wrappers and our breath smelled like peanut butter and our fingers were stained with Cheeto dust. She handed me a napkin.
We cleaned up and put everything back into the brown sack for the next time we saw a trash can.
“I don’t want to hear either of us complaining that we’re hungry when lunch rolls around.” Pixie was disgusted with herself and me.
“Oh, we’ll be complaining. No worries.” I patted her forearm and then pointed out the window to distract her. We were getting to less and less congested spots of the state. The woods and rivers enthralled her.
“It’s way less busy than our river.” Our river was more brown than blue and had a lot of trash along the edges.
“Yeah. I think stuff can live in it, too, way out here. I used to go fishing with my dad when I was little.” I felt the disappointment of losing that dad. The one that planned outings for us and made jokes.
She saw through me. “Maybe he’ll get better someday.”
I nodded, playing along. My hope never really wagged its tail when it came to my dad anymore, but I appreaciated her trying. Next, Pixie pulled out her music player and handed me one earphone. We listened to a few of her favorite songs and I watched her bop her head to the beat.
This part was easy. The next part, well, I wasn’t sure if there would even be a next part. Mom’s parents probably moved and we were headed on a pointless mission.
When the stop for Poughkeepsie was announced, we grabbed our stuff and headed off the train. There were a few groups on the platform and Pixie and I stepped to the side to let them pass us. We had to orientate ourselves. I had my dad’s map in my pocket, but I wasn’t one hundred percent