my knees, I stared straight ahead. My throat grew unbearably tight, but I refused to cry.
Thirty horrible seconds passed, and then he flopped onto his back. Covered his face with his hands. “Fuck, Blair.”
I stayed quiet.
“I’m an asshole.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“I didn’t mean it.”
“Yes, you did. But I get it—a girl like me probably does seem like a joke to you.”
He sat up and exhaled. “I didn’t say you were a joke. I said us—I meant the marriage thing.”
“It’s fine.”
“No, it isn’t.” Again, he rubbed his face with both hands. “Look, I don’t like talking about the past. With anyone, not just you. And the whole thing about having a family is something I get all the time from my mother, so it sets me off fast. I’m sorry.”
“Apology accepted.” But I’d been chastised, and it stung.
He leaned back on one elbow, bending one knee. For a little while, we stayed just like that without speaking. The crickets seemed to grow louder as the seconds ticked by, joined by the buzz of mosquitoes. The moon appeared above the trees to our right.
As the silence lengthened, I felt more awkward and stupid. Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut? He was right—we’d only known each other for three days. I wasn’t his wife. I wasn’t even his girlfriend. I was living with him because I had nowhere else to go and no way to leave yet. He didn’t owe me anything.
I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat as I slapped at a mosquito on my ankle. “Ready to go? The bugs are getting me.”
“In a minute.” He reached for my arm. “Come here, please.”
This time, I didn’t let him pull me toward him. But I looked back over my shoulder. “What?”
“Did I ruin your best day ever?”
“No.”
“I don’t believe you.”
I shrugged.
“Are you mad at me?”
I took a breath, fought the lump in my throat again. “I’m more mad at myself.”
“Why?”
“Because I say things I shouldn’t. And I get carried away.”
“I like when you get carried away.”
“You know what I mean. I talk a lot, and I let people I like in quickly. I forget other people are different.”
“I’m definitely different.”
“I know.” I took a breath. “And I get that we just met. I know what we’re doing isn’t real. It’s just been a while since I’ve had this much fun with someone. I like you. I want to know you.”
“Same.”
That made me feel better. “Really?”
“Yes. And you’re right. I’m not . . . used to letting people in, or allowing someone to get close to me. I generally push people away who try.”
“Why? Sorry.” I shook my head. “I did it again. It’s like my mouth just shoots out words before my brain gets a chance to stop it. But I swear, I’m only asking because I genuinely care about the answer . . . and about you.”
He was silent a moment. “My one serious relationship—with Kayla—ended badly.”
“And it hurt?”
“Yeah. It did.”
I opened my mouth to ask another question, then thought better of it and closed my lips.
“It’s okay. You can ask.”
“Are you sure?”
“Well, I’m getting a little impatient to get my hands on you, but I’ll give you three more questions to make up for being a jerk.”
I smiled. “Thanks. Three’s good.”
“Okay, shoot.”
“Were you in love with her?”
He lay back and put his hands behind his head. “Felt like I was.”
“Why did you guys break up?”
“That’s a long story.”
Falling to my side next to him, I propped my head on one hand. “I love long stories.”
“Of course you do.” He inhaled and exhaled, slow and deep. “Before I enlisted for the second time, we talked about getting married and starting a family when I got out. I asked her to wait for me, and she promised she would. But she didn’t.”
I bit my lip. “That must have hurt.”
Griffin kept his eyes on the darkening sky as he spoke. “When I came home, I bought a ring. My dad loaned me some money, and I put a down payment on a house. I started working long days at the garage to be able to afford it all. Then she finally got the nerve to tell me she’d fallen for someone else while I was away.”
“Oh.” My heart ached for him.
“There was more to it than that, but you get the idea.”
I swallowed hard. His life lessons and rules made more sense now. No wonder he never wanted to rely on anyone but himself. He didn’t trust anybody to