seen in Grandma’s book. It was just supposed to help me remember. I wanted to see if I’d forgotten anything in my past.” Because the more I tried to peek at my childhood, the more I noticed the holes in it.
“You cast a spell of recall using what parameters?”
“Say what?” Because I had no idea what he spoke of.
“Magic needs to be bound. In your case, a combination of sigil and intent.”
“Um. I drew the symbol.” But I didn’t know what he meant by the latter.
Kane frowned. “And then activated it without setting up specific guidance?”
“So that’s bad?” I said in a tiny voice.
“With no instruction, your spell will end up in a loop that siphons magic to feed it until it combusts, usually killing the caster.”
“I didn’t die.”
“Then you were lucky. An unbound spell of recollection might have brought you back to the dawn of time and exploded your mind.”
“Well, it didn’t, and I don’t remember a single thing.” I shrugged even as his words niggled. Something had happened to me. I just couldn’t recall what exactly. His revelation begged the question, “How do you know all this?” And why did the one guy I was trying to keep away from have all the answers?
“I was taught.”
“By who?”
“No one you will ever meet.”
“Then how am I supposed to learn?” Because while I’d assumed magic should be handled with caution, my experience the previous day proved as a warning that it could have deadly consequence.
“Your grandmother was supposed to teach you.”
“Obviously she didn’t.” Or I’d forgotten. “You could show me.”
Showing a rare reluctance, Kane shoved his hands into his pockets. “I can’t.”
“Why not? You said you’d teach me sword fighting. How is this any different?” I expected him to make a crude demand. He’d teach me in exchange for sex. Kane was outrageous in that respect.
“I can’t because I’ve already betrayed enough for you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? Is this about your mother again? Because your family hates me?”
“It would be easier if I could hate you. Then I could accomplish the task that I’ve been training my entire life for without regret.”
It was the most cryptic thing he’d ever said, and chillingly honest, judging by the bleakness in his gaze.
“Is this about me not selling my property again? Is the company putting pressure on you to close the deal?” His family had many business interests in the world, acquiring property being one of them.
He cupped my chin, running a thumb over my jaw, his stare intent. “It was never about land, only ever about you. But you made your choice. And it wasn’t me.”
“It was never going to be you and me.” No matter how he made my pulse pound. There was something dark about Kane. Raw. Violent.
A part of me waited for him to kiss me. Another wanted a reason to shove him away.
Instead, he gave me a sad smile and said, “Au revoir, mon amour.” The French equivalent of, “Farewell, my beloved.”
I must have misunderstood.
14
By early afternoon, I had a list. A massive list that spawned baby lists, who had little lists of their own. I’d compartmentalized the things I had to do and buy to get my business up and going again. I had a plan.
A plan could be the mightiest tool of all.
It involved a lot of phone calls to order services, mostly shut down until January second. But I got appointments made in between my shower, petting my cat, and getting dressed to go shopping. I still needed underwear and a dress.
Trish finally answered her phone.
“Hey.”
“Hi.” My best friend sounded out of breath.
“Sorry our shopping trip got messed up,” I said with a laugh that lacked any kind of sincere mirth.
“Totally understandable.”
“Thanks for finding me on the ice.”
“Bad enough we lost your grandmother to the cold. We couldn’t lose you, too.”
We? Weird choice of words. “I don’t suppose you’re available today?”
“Hold on a second.” The pure silence of the mute button meant she was discussing it with someone else. Mostly likely Marjorie. I wondered at the secrecy though. Did they already have plans? Was I intruding?
Trish returned. “I’ve got until supper time. Then Jojo and I are meeting with another couple for dinner.”
“Oh.” I’d not known they had other friends, which sounded horrible even in my own head. Of course, they did. The fact I didn’t have many didn’t mean everyone sucked at building a circle of companions.
“We’d invite you, but it’s couples euchre night.”
The explanation didn’t help. It just reminded me of Kane’s