Don't Overthink It - Anne Bogel Page 0,39

thought about asking for help but talked myself out of it. It’s just paint, I thought. I can handle a little paint.

I pored over paint swatches, made some decisions, and tried a few samples on the wall. But I kept getting the color wrong. My first try looked like grape soda, so I studied magazines and more paint swatches and tried again. My second attempt looked like cough medicine; the third shade looked more pink than purple. I gave up in frustration and made an appointment with the designer at the paint store down the street, the one with impeccable taste who has recommended a half dozen colors I’ve loved in the past, and she does it for free. I brought her my swatches and the bedspread. “Don’t feel bad,” she said, “purple is hard.” And then she instantly identified a shade I never would have selected but looked perfect on the wall. My girls loved it, and so did I.

That was the last time I tried to pick my own paint color. Now I let a pro pick my colors for me—and they look great, on the first try, every time.

It’s worth noting that though I don’t enjoy the process, others do. When my teenage daughter redecorated her room last year, she wanted to choose a new wall color herself; she saw it as a not-to-be-missed part of the experience of making her space her own. With my help, she first browsed Pinterest, then visited Home Depot, then painted a few swatches on the wall. It was a long process, and in this situation, that was okay.

Deciding When to Outsource

Sometimes life puts us in situations where we could benefit from a little more (or a lot more) outside support than we typically need; sometimes we need help at specific stages of a project.

Remember That Life Is Lived in Seasons

Some seasons of life are predictably stressful—moving to a new home, tackling a busy time at work, having a baby, or surviving fall sports season. Some days and seasons require us to be more strategic than others about what we get someone else to do. There’s a reason we take soup to the sick, help our friends move, and are tempted by takeout when deadlines loom.

We can approach outsourcing with a spirit of experimentation by trying different things for different seasons, seeing how it works out, and then incorporating what we’ve learned when it’s time to move forward.

When You Need Help Getting Started

We can save vast amounts of mental energy by asking for help at the beginning of a project. Once we’re in motion, it’s easy to stay in motion, but it can take a whole lot of effort to get started.

Have you experienced the daunting feeling of needing to begin? I’m a writer, and I know too well how overwhelming a blank page can be. It’s hard work to turn nothing into something. But once I have a draft—even a shoddy one—I can make it better.

If the idea of starting something is daunting, think about how you could get someone else to help you create a metaphorical first draft. Can someone else create the starting point?

Just yesterday at the coffee shop, I happened to sit next to two women who were deep in conversation and I couldn’t help overhearing. One had just been diagnosed with celiac disease, an autoimmune disorder that requires the scrupulous elimination of gluten from the diet. She was overwhelmed by the complexity of the task before her—learning a new way to shop, eat, and cook—and asked her friend, who had a family member with celiac, to walk her through everything she needed to know.

I heard them discuss the learning curve for a strict gluten-free lifestyle. “I open the fridge and have no idea what to do next,” the recently diagnosed woman said.

“It feels overwhelming at first,” her friend told her, “but you’ll get the hang of it. This is what I wish I’d known when we got started.” She then pulled out a file folder full of articles, spreadsheets, and grocery lists. They discussed go-to recipes for meals and snacks, strategies for eating out, and what to do when she got “glutened” accidentally. When one woman had no idea where to start, her experienced friend showed her the way.

Similarly, readers tell me they love the annual Modern Mrs Darcy Reading Challenge because they don’t need to draw on their own creative energy to get started. We give them a starting point by establishing a structure for