Don't Overthink It - Anne Bogel Page 0,38

percent confident to move forward, spend a moment considering if you have good reason to outsource to a specific person. (To those who do this automatically, I salute you. To those who tend to learn these things the hard way, read on.)

Years ago, I hired someone to paint the exterior of my potentially cute but run-down first home. I was young, with no experience in these matters, and I didn’t know what colors to choose. So I asked my painter to decide. “I’ll tell you what I like,” he said, and he described the color scheme he’d choose for his dream house. Grateful for an answer, I told him that would be just fine—and he painted the house accordingly.

The painter was skilled, but I was never satisfied with the way the paint job turned out, and it wasn’t till years later that I realized why. I had been eager to outsource the color decision, but if I’d been listening, I would have realized that the painter and I had different tastes. I would have been happier with the result if I had gotten help from someone whose taste better matched my own.

Now I ask myself, Is getting this kind of help from this particular person likely to generate the result I’m hoping for? It’s a simple question, but an important one.

Might I Ask a Friend for Help?

Asking for help doesn’t have to be a formal affair; it’s probably part of your life already. If you’ve ever called in a friend to help with a move or a closet cleanout or an outfit choice, you know what I’m talking about. When we observe our friends’ skills and talents, it’s obvious how much they could help us, if we asked. We’d be thrilled to get their help, and we know we’d appreciate the result.

When I reorganized my home office, I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of papers that needed filing and sorting, and I didn’t know how to implement a good system for storing them. After fretting about the situation for too long, I finally asked my organized friend Melissa for tips to deal with the rapidly accumulating paperwork. Seeing I was stuck, Melissa took over. She showed up with her favorite hanging folders and Sharpies, demonstrated exactly what to do, and saved me so much mental energy (not to mention time). And it was fun. I was hesitant to involve someone else in my tiresome project, but Melissa was happy to help. And when we did it together, it wasn’t boring.

My friend Myquillyn has an outsourcing rule of thumb that makes it possible for her to have people over without losing her mind. She loves to have company but knows from experience that if she tries to do all the cooking herself, she ends up distracted and scattered, regretting having issued the invitations. She long ago decided that when she has people over, she makes only two things—and either buys the rest or has her guests bring them.

When I stayed at her house, I saw this in action. For a cozy dinner in, Myquillyn made chicken tortellini soup at the kitchen counter, a recipe she said she’d made a hundred times, while we all hung out in the kitchen. She paired it with store-bought bread and dessert. It was delicious and easy, she was fully present, and no one felt cheated of anything—including her company. Her personal guideline lets her focus on the aspect of entertaining she likes most, the thing only she can do: enjoy the company of her friends.

Myquillyn has also found that people like to help. We tend to forget that when we ask for help, the benefit is twofold. We may worry that we’re burdening our friends with our problems, but they want to be valuable too. Give people space to do what they do best, and besides, asking for help also gives you an excuse to see your friends a little more.

Sometimes You Need a Pro

Sometimes our friends are the professionals, which is fun, but sometimes we would benefit from hiring someone else to get the job done. We can save ourselves loads of mental energy when we rely on someone else’s expertise.

When my girls were little, I wanted to paint my daughters’ room. My husband and I had previously slept in that bedroom, and when we did, the walls were khaki-colored (“Sea Sand,” according to Porter Paints), but now I wanted a pale lavender for the girls to coordinate with their new bedspread. I