Anger. Hurt. My broken heart, it sends me flying around ready to demand the truth. I might not be smart. I might not be as beautiful as the women he’s bed before me, but I’m not blind. He laughs alongside me. The lingering touches, the way he looks at me when he thinks I can’t see him—it’s real.
“How could you say those things about me?” my voice shakes with every dreaded word. Roam’s eyes soften with hurt and it crushes me further. “I know you were talking about me. So why, Roamyn?” I end on a yell, not that it matters with music so loud it’s vibrating through my body every time the bass drops.
“You really wanna know?” Roamyn roars back with force. Passion. Opposing the tenderness he showed a moment ago. And if this were three months ago I’d flinch and back away. But I’m no longer weak. I’m not the girl I used to be and this is Roamyn. The worst he can do is break my heart and he’s already done that.
He stalks closer to me, drawing me in with his stormy eyes and fierce frown. “You’re standing here looking like you hate my fucking guts and I don’t blame you after what you just heard. But before you go stomping off like you’ve always done, jumping to fucking conclusions, I’ll give you the truth. I’ve always wanted you, Ali. Maybe not in the way you were hoping, but I always have and it scares the fucking shit out of me. I wanted to save you on that bridge seven years ago when you were just a scared kid. I wanted to protect you even when I had no idea who the hell it was I was supposed to protect you from. And when you were nineteen I wanted to sink my cock inside your sweet pussy and stay there for as long as I could, so when you left me I wouldn’t forget what you felt like. We both knew you’d leave. Just like we knew whatever it was we had couldn’t be more. Years, Ali. I’ve wanted you for so long I forget what it feels like to not want you. I just didn’t realize what those feelings meant until a month ago. And ever since then I’ve been trying to convince myself otherwise. So I’m sorry for what you overheard because none of it’s true. I shouldn’t have said it. But if I can’t wrap my head around what we have I can’t expect them to. Mason doesn’t even know the half of what’s gone down between us, and I should’ve told him the moment you became a person of interest. I just wasn’t ready to get my ass kicked for keeping you to myself all this time.”
He gestures toward the booth where his squad is sitting, but I can’t force my eyes away from him. I can’t ignore the knives still cutting into my chest despite his apology.
“I shouldn’t want you. I’m trying not to want you, Ali. I’m thirty-four years old. You’re twenty-two. A recovering drug addict and a victim of long-term abuse. You need time to heal and figure out what you want in life now that you actually have a chance at a decent one,” his voice fades as he tips his chin down to his chest.
My brows knit in confusion and I shake my head. “I already know what I want. Do you really think I haven’t spent every day for the past ten years wondering what my life could have been like had I made different choices? I don’t need time, Roamyn. I love you.”
Surprise sinks in at my confession of love. His jaw ticks and he glances away, eyes unsure. The strain on his face tells me everything I don’t want to know.
Whether he loves me or not, he’s not going to say it. He doesn’t want this. Us.
I swallow back nausea and ball my fists by my side. Anger blankets the hurt but brings no comfort.
“You know I always thought you were so strong. But you’re not. You’re just as scared as I am because you can’t control this, what we have. And you sure as hell can’t control me and you hate it. I know why you can’t stand feeling powerless. I don’t like it either. But at least, I’m not afraid to take a chance.” My breath comes out heavy. “Happy Birthday, Roam,” I mutter, before turning around to leave. I