yesterday, flirting with you. Tugging on your hair. He’s never like that with me.”
“So what?” I burst, throwing my hands up. “Guys are horn dogs. They flirt with me because they want under my skirt. Do you know how many dates I’ve been on? Like a proper date. Dinner and movies, holding hands, a sweet kiss goodnight. The answer is zero.” I shake my head, willing her to understand. “It doesn’t mean anything. Out of all the guys I’ve slept with, none of them have wanted to stick around.”
“But isn’t that what you want?” Before my anger can flare up again, she elaborates, “You’re always saying how that stuff is dumb, and how you don’t want a boyfriend.”
“I know, and maybe it is. But lately I’ve been thinking...” Taking a breath, I articulate the very thing that’s possibly been bothering me for longer than I’d like to admit. “I’ve been thinking maybe it’d be kind of nice, you know? To have someone who wants all of me—not just the part between my legs.”
“But you do have a date.” Caroline’s voice isn’t unkind when she says it, head tilted. “He’s taking you to the ball, isn’t he?”
It still pisses me off. “He’s only taking me because I asked! You could have asked him, and he probably would have said yes. But you didn’t. That’s not my fault! You never even told me you were interested in him. If you had, I wouldn’t have—” I let out a frustrated growl. “Jesus, Caroline, you’re not the only one who’s insecure and faking it. I’m used to hearing that kind of stuff from other people, but coming from the person who calls me her best friend? You have no idea how much that hurt.”
Her face crumples. “God, Georgia, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. All I could think about was the two of you—” She gulps, hands wringing. “I was such a bitch to you. I wish I could make you understand how terrible I’ve been feeling about it.”
“I don’t want you to feel terrible,” I insist, thinking of Heston and his horrible, no good, very bad day. “I want you to be better than that. Guys come and go. Best friends are supposed to be stronger.”
She nods, chin wobbling. “I know. I’m just not used to feeling this way.”
“What way?”
She pulls in another sniffle, seeming to choose her words carefully. “Like my chest is caving in every time I look for him and he’s not there? But then, also like it’s caving in when he is there. Like I’d do anything to make him notice me. To see him smile. To see him smile at me.” She falls back into her chair, shoulders curving dejectedly. “I know it doesn’t make sense. If he wants you, and you want him, I should be happy, right? Because I like both of you, and I want you to have what you want. But instead, I just feel so...betrayed.” She’s quick to add, “I know it’s not fair. You’re right. I could have said something, and I didn’t, because I’m a fucking coward. I’m sorry.” Her lip trembles again. “I’m so, so sorry.”
I watch her cry, stomach dropping in sympathy. “I’m not interested in Ozzy,” I tell her, dropping onto the couch. “I’m actually kind of…seeing someone. Exclusively. He’s the only person I’ve been with since last spring.” It feels strange to describe Heston this way, but it’s all true.
Her neck snaps back, mouth parted in surprise. “Wait, seriously?”
“It’s not a big deal,” I assert, knowing from the look on her face that she sees it differently. “We’re keeping it really low key.”
Her eyebrows furrow. “Why?”
Averting my gaze, I admit, “It’s not someone you or Vandy would approve of.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s...” I rub my forehead, trying to find something that could explain without actually giving anything away. I settle on, “Well, he’s older.”
After a long pause, she hesitantly asks, “Older, or like...old?”
My head snaps up. “No, this is not an Afton situation!” When her lips twitch, I follow my impulse to smile back. It falls just as quickly. “If you knew, you’d judge me.”
That miserable expression folds her face again. “I wouldn’t judge you. You can tell me anything.” She deflates at the look I give her, fixing her gaze to a frayed sticker on her laptop. “It’s going to take a lot of time, isn’t it? For you to trust me with something like that, after…” I nod and she gives