at fifteen, I’d obsess over news like this. I decided to tell her. Devon was right.
Argh. Devon. What the hell was his problem? He couldn’t be with me, that’s fine, but the whole yes/no attitude was driving me crazy. He was the first guy in a very long time to get under my skin. I thought about his dark, slightly curly hair, and those deep brown eyes that looked like melted chocolate. Then there was his smile. The way the crook of his lip lifted when he smiled made my heart lurch, and his beautiful soft, completely kissable lips...
I wasn’t sure what my feelings were toward him, all I knew was if I didn’t keep them I check, it wouldn’t take much to push me over the edge.
I hit my alarm as it rang loudly. Even though I was awake, the sound made me jump. Sighing, I climbed out of my warm bed into the cold morning. Ready or not, the day was about to start. I trudged down the hallway, wrapping my robe tightly around me.
“Hey, Neri,” I stood in the doorway to her room, “Can we talk?”
Neri looked up at me. She nodded, and continued brushing her hair. Her school uniform on, as usual, she was ready to leave with a good half hour to spare.
“Sure. What’s up?”
I sat down on the bed, and smiled. “How are you going?” I asked casually. She shrugged.
“I’m okay,” Her face broke out into a smile, “I’m looking forward to seeing Jeremy tonight.” I could hear the excitement in her voice.
Shit. I had forgotten about the party.
“How are you coping with your mom’s disappearance?”
Neri’s smile faded. Her green eyes filled with sadness, making me regret bringing up the topic. Maybe keeping her in the dark was the best thing for her? Regardless of how mature she was, she was still only fifteen.
“I’m okay.” She finally said, “It’s hard. I get sad a lot.” I reached for her hand and squeezed it. “Have they heard anything?” Her voice sounded so hopeful, so vulnerable.
“Neri, they have found something.” My voice cracked as I saw the hope in her eyes. She was hoping for good news, and all I had was this piece of information that may or may not be bad news. “The police found some blood in your mom’s car. Not much, and it could be from anything. A blood nose from months ago, even.”
Neri was silent. She put down her brush. Through the mirror, I could see tears in her eyes. “Why do you do that?” she asked suddenly.
“Pardon?” I had no idea what she was talking about. Had I missed something here?
“You talk like she’s not your mother. Just then, you said your mom. Not our mom.” Neri looked at me, waiting for an answer.
I started defending myself, then I stopped. I did do that.
I always separated myself from my mother whenever I could. Especially when talking about her disappearance.
Was it easier for me to support Neri and Sam with her being gone if I could exclude myself from the situation?
“I don’t know,” I eventually said, “I don’t know.”
“Kait, I didn’t blame you. For what happened with dad.” I looked up at Neri, shocked.
She didn’t?
All of her behavior towards me the entire year before I left suggested otherwise. “I was angry. I was angry at him, and I didn’t know how to show that. So I ended up directing that anger at you.”
“You weren’t angry at me? I was sure you hated me.” I said softly. Neri shook her head, climbing onto the bed with me.
“He had started paying more attention to me. I knew what he was doing to you, and I didn’t try to stop him.” She sobbed softly as she avoided my eye contact.
“Neri!” I took her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me. “You were eleven! It was my job to protect you,” I whispered, “It was mom’s job to protect both of us.” We hugged each other, until Sam came to see why we hadn’t come for breakfast.
“Oh, cool!” He yelled, racing to the bed and invading our hug. I laughed, feeling better than I had in a long time.
Though I didn’t have a Lit lecture today, I was nervous about running into Charlie on campus. Following my class, I decided to stop in for a coffee at The Angry Bean, the café just off campus.
Caffeine had become a necessary part of my life lately, and today was no exception. No wonder I