at her, demanding on girl code and friendship code and sisterly codes everywhere that she shuts up and doesn’t make this sexual. “Arlo thinks he’s going to be in the way by staying here, and I told him he wasn’t,” I tag this on to both change the direction and have her realizing that teasing about this situation could impact his decision.
“Oh my gosh, stay. Are you crazy? You brought the cat here because you didn’t know anyone responsible enough to care for her, and you want to potentially stay with one of those people?”
“Totally different situations. I’d be crashing on their couch, not asking them to adopt me,” Arlo says.
Rose shakes her head. “Is it different, though?” She shrugs, not waiting for a response. “You’re not going to find a better option, but I’m certainly not going to force you to stay. I’ve seen how much you can eat.”
“I have to get in the shower. I’m going to be late for class,” I say, trying to feign confidence as I walk toward Arlo.
“Are we doing yoga today?” Rose asks.
“I can’t. I have something.”
“Class?”
I’ve always been a terrible liar—it’s partly why I knew I could never be in theater. “I think I found Ellen.”
A dish clangs to the counter. Rose’s eyes are as wide as saucers, her jaw hanging open. “What?”
I nod, swallowing the lump of emotions that have settled in my throat.
“Where? How?” Arlo asks, just as stunned as Rose.
Rose and I had checked every social media platform we could find after I came home with Ellen’s name and photo, and we found nothing. Believing she’d either gotten married or changed her name, I was starting to debate if I’d have to go back to the shop and result to threats and begging Miriam to tell me something, but then as I was searching last night before hearing from Arlo, I used an image search rather than name search and found her. This is something else I didn’t share with Rose because I hate that I felt so desperate—that I still feel so desperate to find out who she is.
“When are you going?” Rose asks, recognizing my silence means I’ve already decided to go look for her.
“This evening, after I get off work.”
“I’ll go with you,” she says.
I shake my head. “You have yoga and class tonight.”
“I’ll skip it.”
“You can’t skip class. Besides, I’m not going to talk to her.”
Rose doesn’t look relieved by this. “You guys are both fired.” She points at Arlo, “You because you won’t accept our invitation to stay here.” She turns to me, “And you because you’re wanting to meet this woman who may have given birth to you with absolutely no moral or emotional support. Both of you stop trying to be tough, and accept my damn friendship before I have to cram it down your throats.”
Arlo scoffs. “Okay,” he says. “I’ll stay, but Liv has to let us go with her.”
“I’m just going to see her. And she might not be there.”
“Did you call Diane?” Rose asks.
“Diane?” Arlo asks.
“My mom’s best friend,” I tell him absently. “She hasn’t called back.”
He stares at me, and Rose stares at me, and though this feels like something I should be doing on my own, their combined concern weighs on me and has me debating if having them with me might not be the worst thing. “I have to leave here by five.”
“Done,” Rose says. Arlo nods.
“I have to shower and think of some better excuses for you guys not to come.” I’m only partially teasing.
“Cram it down your throat!” Rose calls after me.
The only times my brain is quiet enough to overthink are sitting through lectures, when I’m supposed to be sleeping, and while showering. Maybe it’s because these are the quietest times in my life, or perhaps it has to do with being still, whatever it is, it forces thoughts—even the ugly ones—to be observed and heard. This morning is no different as I think about Ellen. I hadn’t thought about her in so long that I’d forgotten about her and only remembered flashes of her when Miriam said her name. The rest of what I remember about Ellen has come back in pieces, some larger than others, proving I’ve been thinking about this more than I care to admit. I remembered her braiding my hair when I was blow-drying my hair last week, and that her favorite flavor of Popsicle was orange when I was doing the dishes this past weekend. The sound