back my surprise, trying to recall the details Diane had told me only yesterday. “What?”
Dad shakes his head. “I had no idea.” He looks at Whitney for validation, and she shakes her head as well. “I’d moved back to Seattle and had just started at Brighton as the head coach and was living the bachelor life when Holly contacted me. You’d been sick with a terrible case of bronchitis that turned into pneumonia, and you were in the hospital. She’d reached out to me to get my medical history because you were so sick.” He pauses, emotions flooding his face. “I flew down the next morning,” he explains. “I met Holly in the hospital cafeteria, and she explained that she’d known Ellen for years. They’d been childhood friends, and when you were born, and Ellen realized she wasn’t ready to be a mom, Holly adopted you.” He runs a hand over his face like the memory still haunts him. “I sued her for custody. You were my daughter, and I wanted you to live with me here before I’d even met you, and even more so after spending time with you.”
“I remember you being there,” I tell him. “We played checkers and watched movies in the hospital.” I don’t mention that I didn’t realize it was the first time I’d met him. How innocent our minds are when we’re young to not carve out insinuations and form negative context about each situation. I hadn’t doubted him, only welcomed him into my life.
Dad nods. “The Rugrats. You were obsessed.”
Whitney smiles, placing her hand over his.
“What happened?” I ask, reaching for Rose’s hand, my words verge on sounding frantic as I work to understand more of the puzzle.
“I spent three weeks down there, getting to know you and Holly better, trying to make her understand I didn’t even know about you, that I hadn’t been allowed to be your dad. She barely had any money, but she was willing to lose it all to keep you. She didn’t want to run. She told me she’d even move to Seattle if I really wanted her to, she just didn’t want to lose you.” His face breaks, and his lips crease with a heavy frown. “You were so attached to Holly. You called her mom, and even when she wasn’t in the room, you asked about her. You guys were a family, and there was no doubt she’d been the best mother to you. I was a new head coach, living in a one-bedroom apartment and barely knew how to care for myself, and I knew taking you from her would’ve been selfish, though I desperately wanted to. I knew you had a good life. To Holly, you were her blood and bone, her stars, her whole universe. I wanted to believe otherwise—I tried poking doubt, but there was no way around it. You were happy with her.
“Holly offered to split custody, even said she’d pay for you to visit or for me to visit. She was willing to do whatever it took to keep you…” His chin trembles before he drops his face into his hands.
My heart splinters as I release Rose’s hand and move to his other side, unease and my desire to comfort him and my uncertainty of how to making me realize how much I still don’t know about my dad.
“I thought I was doing the right thing. I just wanted you to be happy,” he says, his voice muffled as he keeps his face buried. “I thought I was being selfless, but then as you got older, I was worried you’d think I’d abandoned you if you knew the truth—that I didn’t try and fight for you. I didn’t want you to think you weren’t loved or that I didn’t want you. I always wanted you, Olivia—always.”
I fold my arms around him, burying my face into his neck as my tears join his.
“We want you to meet Ellen if you want to be in her life. We know that it’s your right and your choice. We just don’t want you to get hurt,” Whitney says.
I pull back, wiping my nose and cheeks with the sleeve of my sweatshirt. “I don’t think she has a lot of interest in knowing me.”
Whitney’s jaw clenches and her eyes turn hard. “That’s her loss,” Whitney tells me.
I bite my bottom lip and close my eyes, pain streaking down my face in the form of round tears. “I don’t need Ellen. I have my