any parent can ever do is their best. And let me tell you, what works today might not work tomorrow. Like Noah with different vegetables. The trick is to keep trying. Also, you heard Tom. Stevie had the beginnings of an ear infection, and his head hurt. No wonder he was crying."
"You might be right, but what about the part where Stevie stopped crying as soon as Tom took him? Tom hadn't used his healing touch yet. As for the gas, it might not be the formula. Maybe I didn't burp him right. You heard the noise he made before he puked on me." I hated to sound like a whiner, but I was seriously worried now.
"Charlie, quit fussing so much. Don't take Stevie's crying personally. You’re a lovely person with a warm, caring heart, and your concern shows you're going to be a great dad. But if I can offer one tip? I learned this the hard way. Babies pick up on our tension. He calmed down for Tom because Tom wasn't stressed to the max. There will be nights, and days, where you will walk the floors with Gidget, and nothing will make her calm down until she magically passes out. Or, like we just witnessed, someone else comes along and has the perfect touch she'll need at the time. Ask anybody who's had a child—they'll tell you I'm correct."
His advice made sense. Wrinkling my nose at the foul taste in my mouth, I poured myself a fresh cup of tea from the pot I'd set on the table when Eli arrived and settled back to drink it. Eli warmed his own cup while he quietly let me absorb his words. As chatty as Eli could be, he was equally capable of enjoying the occasional comfort of silence. The closer we had gotten over the past few months, the more I came to realize what an amazing friend I'd been gifted through my mate. As I began to relax, I decided to open up about everything tearing me apart.
"I have been pretty stressed lately. It's not simply Gidget, although I am understandably nervous about becoming a parent. It's just been so much change, you know? For twenty years, my life was a structured routine. Change came slowly, related to physical growth. If anything, our rules got stricter as we aged. Don't get me wrong, I don't miss the barn or anything about it. I'm glad those people are dead, and I don't have to worry about finding any forgiveness in my heart for what they did to me and my brothers. I also don't regret finding Lucian or bonding with him. I would want nothing at all about my life to be any different, except maybe I'd like to be a better son."
Holding his cup between his hands, Eli blew on the surface of the hot beverage before tilting his head with a curious frown. "What do you mean? Your mom was leaving when I got here, and you were making plans to bake bread with her tomorrow. Do you have secret voodoo dolls of them you stick with pins every night?"
"Funny. Actually, no, it's not. I'm pretty sure voodoo is real, and we shouldn't joke about it." I set my cup to the side and drummed my fingers against my leg as I sighed. "No, I feel bad because I still haven't started calling them Mom and Dad, even though I know they're dying to hear it. It took me a few to build a connection with them, and it's been getting stronger, especially with the pregnancy. But I don't have the same history with them my brothers do. As much as they want me to instantly be part of the family, I'll never fit in the same way as I should have. We don't share the same inside jokes or memories."
I felt like I was complaining, but venting everything I'd been holding in was such a relief. "The other day, Ford was talking about his grandmother who died a few years ago, and it took us a good twenty minutes to realize she was my grandmother too, even though I have no clue what she looks like or whose mother she was. Neither my brother nor I had thought about my connection to the lady until I pointed it out. Plus, how confusing is it for people when I talk about my brothers? I could be talking about my blood brothers, or I could be talking