muscles. “He just told me that he called my mother. He got her details from Silas and called her to tell her how great Deep River was and that she needed to move there with me.”
Shock rippled over Astrid’s fine, precise features. “Oh, for the love of… That kid… I’ll kill him.”
“It’s not his fault.” Damon’s hands ached where they were clenched in fists, so he thrust them in his pockets. “It’s Silas I’m planning to kill. He had no right to give Connor Mom’s number.”
“No, he didn’t.” Astrid folded her arms. “But I think Silas wants you to stay.”
“Yeah, I know he does.”
“And so does Connor.”
“I can’t, Astrid. You know I can’t.”
“No,” she said quietly. “I know.”
The acceptance in her tone caught at his anger somehow, inflaming it though he couldn’t think why. Because he didn’t want her insisting that he stay, right? He didn’t need another voice to add to the chorus.
“That doesn’t sound convincing,” he said before he could stop himself.
She frowned. “What do you want me to say, then? You have your mother to care for. I understand that.”
“Do you?” He didn’t know why he was asking her. He didn’t know what he wanted her to say.
“Of course. What does it matter what I think, anyway?” Her gaze was cool, the mayor in charge. But he could hear a note of challenge in the words, as if she wanted him to dispute it.
Which he would. He wasn’t going to let her opinion change his mind, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t important or that she didn’t matter. And he wanted to hear what she had to say.
“It matters,” he said. “Tell me.”
She stared at him, expressions he didn’t understand flickering across her face. Her eyes had darkened almost into the deep blue of her shirt. “No,” she said at last. “I don’t think you should stay.”
His gut lurched, though again he wasn’t sure why. Because wasn’t that a good thing? It was better for her if she didn’t want him to stay.
“Why not?” The question was out before he could stop himself.
“Because you don’t want to.”
“What makes you say that?”
She held his gaze, unflinching. “I can see it in your eyes, Damon. I think if you’d wanted to stay, you’d move heaven and earth to make it happen.”
There was no accusation in her tone, but it was so determinedly neutral it needled him. “There’s no way I can—”
“Please,” she interrupted, and this time he heard a small tremor in her voice. “Don’t use your mother as an excuse.”
Shock moved through him, lightning rooting him to the spot.
“I’m not,” he said hoarsely. “You think I should leave her alone? Let her burn her house down? Wander onto the road and get hit by a car? Or just forget to eat? You think I should do that instead?”
She shook her head. “No, of course not. But you could bring her here if you wanted to.”
“I can’t just uproot her from her life and her familiar—”
Astrid took a step up to him and raised her hand, her fingers touching his face, making the words die unsaid. Her touch was very soft, very warm. “You love her very much and I understand. She’s sick, and she needs care. But what are you trying to prove to her, Damon?”
It was too much, the touch of her hand and the look in her eyes. It was that sharp look from last night, seeing into his soul. Seeing the lonely little boy who’d watched his mother run herself ragged to keep him fed, selfishly wanting more from her, some crumb of affection or praise. Seeing the angry young man, furious at his mother for walking away from him right when he’d needed her most.
He turned from Astrid in a jerky movement, taking a few steps toward the trees. His heart was beating far too fast and he felt like he couldn’t breathe.
“She never needed me,” he said, even though he hadn’t meant to. “And she never let me need her either. But she does now, and I won’t do what she did to me. I won’t walk away.”
“You could bring her here.”
“No.” He stared up at the sky and the long spears of light cast by the fading sun. “I can’t, Astrid.”
Behind him there was silence, but she would ask him. Astrid had never flinched away from the truth.
“Why not?” Her voice was quiet.
He didn’t want to see her face, not with what he had to tell her, because it would hurt her.