realize something had happened between Aaron and me.
I had purposely stayed away from him since Friday night after the game. I had hardly looked at him, and I felt terrible about it.
But what else was I supposed to do after that conversation in the gym?
He probably thought I hated him or something, but all I was trying to do was keep my distance.
My only option was to let him down. There was no other option.
What we both wanted? Not an option.
Us being friends… it clearly just made things worse.
It led to moments that could cause a lot of pain, for us and everyone around us.
No. I’d done a lot of thinking since Friday, and this was for the best. To put some distance between us. Maybe if I hung out with him less, was around him less, he could finally see that I wasn’t the girl for him.
There were plenty of girls at this school that would be better for him.
His best friend’s sister? Definitely not the girl for him.
And as much as I wanted it, he wasn’t the guy for me.
I shut my eyes.
He wasn’t the guy for me.
I wasn’t the girl for him.
What we had between us, it would go away if I went away.
The bell rang, and Coach Collins started class.
Thankfully, that day was mostly lecture and taking notes.
I concentrated on the teacher’s lesson on types of chemical bonds.
After I finished writing down several real-life examples she was discussing, I glanced over at Aaron.
He had hardly written anything on his paper. He’d gone serious, and I recognized what was happening. I’d seen it sometimes after a football game where he had messed up a pass or not been able to stop the other team from scoring a touchdown.
He had closed himself off, probably blaming himself for causing this.
I blinked back tears. I had done that.
He’d opened himself up to me, told me how he really felt about me, and I’d gone and stopped being his friend.
I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry, but instead, I kept taking notes.
One word, then another, without really taking any of it in.
The bell rang, signaling the end of class. Aaron slowly grabbed his things. Most of the class left in a flash, loud and glad the hour of note-taking was now over.
Meanwhile, Coach Collins left the room, maybe to grab copies or run to the bathroom.
A couple of students slowly followed after her, laughing about something. Just like that, it was only us.
I stood there for a second, taking in Aaron. Now he was the one refusing to look at me. He stood up and packed his stuff quickly into his bag, head down.
As he went to leave, he went by me. I grabbed his arm, and before he could say anything, I wrapped him in a hug.
I held onto him like I was afraid that if I let go, I’d never be able to hug him again. If we were going to be something less than friends, then that had to be true.
So I held onto him. Slowly, he hugged me back and then settled into it. He rested his head on top of mine.
I closed my eyes for a few seconds, wanting to memorize the feel of him forever.
Finally, I let him go.
At first, he looked at me with this hope in his eyes, but that quickly faded.
This was more of a goodbye hug. No words were needed. We both knew we had to do this.
We would still be in each other’s lives, every single day, but we couldn’t keep doing this.
Friends. Wanting more. Stepping back. One or both of us getting hurt. Trying to be friends again.
It was a dance that drove us both crazy, and I needed to end it.
I gave his hand one final squeeze, and then I grabbed my bag and left.
This was going to be so hard.
Already, it was.
But one day, he’d find another girl, someone that would be good for him.
We’d go to college, get the distance we needed.
It wouldn’t hurt like this forever, I reminded myself.
One day, maybe, we could genuinely be friends, no feelings involved.
Even so, as I walked to my next class, I knew one thing: I’d always felt the same way about Aaron Garcia and always would feel the same way about him.
That would never go away.
12
Scarlett, Audrey, and Nora walked with me to lunch.
“So any new developments with Aaron?” Nora asked. She carried a pair of drumsticks in the back pocket of her ripped up