he doesn’t. He just looks at me like he doesn’t quite believe I’m there.
I see myself in the tiny rectangle at the bottom of the screen. The warm water has turned my chest and shoulders pink. My cheeks are flushed. My mouth is a sad downturned line. It’s like I’m breaking apart right before my eyes.
He doesn’t ask me why I’m sad; he knows.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he says.
I look away from the phone and sniffle, trying to press my feelings down as far as they’ll go.
“I know this isn’t easy,” he continues.
“I just don’t see how it’s going to work.”
“Don’t say that.”
I’m staring at my towel folded neatly beside the tub. I focus on the stitching, losing sight of it as my eyes cloud with tears.
“I’ll be back in the States in a few weeks,” he promises.
“And then?” I challenge.
“And then we’ll see.”
“Not good enough, Aiden. Tell me now. What happens then? Huh?”
“After that, I’ll have to travel more.”
“Exactly.”
“It’s my job.”
“EXACTLY!” My free hand drops into the bath, splashing water onto the phone screen.
When I finally look back at Aiden, his face is a mask of frustration. Furrowed brows. Locked jaw. Sharp cheekbones. “What about you moving to New York? Have you even considered it?”
“Why would I move to New York? You’re not even in New York!”
He inhales a deep breath like he’s utterly exasperated with me. Then he responds, “Right. Okay. It’s clearly not a good time to talk about this…”
I’m boiling over with anger, and it doesn’t help that he wants to shut this down. He thinks I’m not in my right mind, thinks I need to calm down.
“You’re right. Let’s talk about it another time.” My tone is filled with sarcasm. “What about tomorrow at 2 AM your time? Or how about we schedule five minutes to talk a week from Tuesday?”
“You think this is easy for me?!” he explodes.
“It sure seems like it!”
“I’m in a fucking hotel room a thousand hours away from you! I’m working twelve-hour days! I’m fucking trying, Maddie!”
“Exactly! We’ve both been trying and it feels impossible. There’s no end in sight. What’s the plan, Aiden? Are we going to stay long distance forever?”
“I don’t know.”
I realize I’m getting dangerously close to backing him into a corner. I would never want to force Aiden to pick between me and his job. I know how much working for the Times means to him, but what am I supposed to do here? I’ve been waiting to be with Aiden for years, and it still doesn’t even feel like we’re really together. We had a week in Vail and now what? Phone calls? Text messages?
“It feels like we can have this conversation now or a year from now, but—”
He cuts me off. “No.”
“It’s only going to get harder.”
“You’re giving up.”
“I’m being realistic!”
“Who cares about being realistic? I love you, Maddie. That matters. In fact, that’s the only thing that matters.”
“It’s not enou—”
“Do you love me too, Maddie?”
“Does it matter?”
“Do you love me?”
“Of course, Aiden!”
“Then give me more time to figure this out.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Maddie
“A toast for the birthday queen!” Blythe says, instructing us all to lift our glasses around the table.
“Mia, may every day of your twenty-eighth year be as drunk as this one!” Blythe shouts over the noise of the crowd.
We laugh and clink our glasses together, wishing Mia a happy birthday.
The bar we’re at, Easy Tiger, is ridiculously packed. Even in February, the outdoor patio is filled to the brim with guests lingering awkwardly on the fringes, surveying picnic tables and waiting for one to open up. Twinkle lights dip low over our heads as we go around our table sharing funny memories about Mia.
It feels good to be out with my friends. We haven’t had a night like this since before I left for Vail. I’ve been hard to reach and harder to pin down, but I knew I’d regret missing Mia’s birthday. So, even though I wasn’t really feeling up for partying, I forced myself to get ready and come out with them.
I’m glad I did. Doing my hair and makeup has improved my mood. My white sweater dress and boots were both Christmas gifts from Jolie, and they fit like a glove. I feel good tonight, almost like my old self. A good part of that has to do with the fact that I turned my phone off. It’s still in my purse in case of emergencies, but I didn’t want to bother with anyone or anything tonight.
“Don’t look,