just said it to me.
“Cade said I was a chickenshit,” I stated flatly.
“More than once.”
Okay. Cade’s ass, I could kick. “Cade is talking?”
“A little.” Her expression hardened. “Do you think you did Rena a favor by firing her? By breaking up with her?”
A wave of guilt crested, but I tamped it down. Tasha was mad because Rena was upset. That’s it. I focused on my reflection and tied my tie.
“Is that really what you want? Do you think that’s what she wants?”
“Doesn’t matter what she wants,” I said.
“Because you know what’s best.”
I adjusted the knot at my throat.
“Have you slept with anyone since you two broke up?”
“You can go now.” I pulled my jacket over my arms. Fuck, no, I hadn’t slept with anyone since Rena. Like I’d just move on? Forget what she meant to me? Forget the things she’d said to me?
“It seems like you, that’s all,” Tasha continued. “To burn that bridge to ash. You really are a chickenshit.”
“I don’t let anyone talk to me the way you’re talking to me, Tasha. Watch it.” It was an empty threat and she knew it.
“I don’t let guys treat my best friend like garbage,” she snapped. “Go to her, Devlin. You go to her and take one look at her and tell me if you’re doing her any favors by staying away. And when you see her and realize she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you in your entire miserable existence, drop to your knees and beg her to take you back.”
“She wouldn’t let me in if I showed.” I’d thought about it. Over and over and over and over. If I went to her and she shut me out, I worried I’d dry up and blow away. Or that the feelings I’d been trying to smother would surface, and in turn smother me.
“How can you be sure if you haven’t tried?” And with that parting blow, she left.
Chapter Twenty
Rena
I waved goodbye to my former-boss-current-coworker Lyle and walked to my car. Shivering as I turned over the engine, I rubbed my gloved hands together in a futile attempt to warm them. Snow fell, the night sky quiet. The fluorescent lights inside Sarafina’s glowed warmly through the windows.
The pace at Sarafina’s was like being thrown into slow motion after being on fast forward. No longer was I dashing around balancing trays of hot food on my shoulder or yelling for a side of mayo from the kitchen. Or making out with Devlin in the cramped and overstocked office…
Sigh.
I’d been trying to convince myself I didn’t miss that last part. It’d been sort of working. I used to think of him and ache. Now thinking of him made me angry. That was progress, right?
Since Tasha was working with Cade three days a week now, I’d made her promise not to mention Devlin’s name. I knew too much about him already, and hearing daily updates wasn’t going to help me get over him any faster. And I needed to get over him.
If I meant anything to him at all, he’d have come for me by now.
At home, I showered for an eternity, until my body was no longer chilled and my limbs were overheated and loose. I dried off, wiped down the steamy mirror with a towel, and then pulled on a thick robe.
I hadn’t decided what to do now that my nights were free. I’d spent half my nights working second shift at Oak & Sage, and Devlin had filled the other half. That was probably why I felt like half of me was missing.
Idly sketching in my notebook, candle lit, I thought about the night he’d come to my door. Then I thought of the last time I’d seen him. I pictured the straight line of his mouth, his firmly set jaw. But his eyes—his eyes had been sad. It’d be easier to believe he hated me. But I suspected Tasha was right and he was protecting me. He’d wanted to keep me away from his gambling business as well as Baron. Devlin promising Roy he’d stay away from me was his only way of ensuring both of those things.
But now I was safe and he still hadn’t called. He’d moved out of his apartment and in with Paul. Baron was no longer scouting the parking lot at Oak & Sage, but I refused to go there to try and convince Devlin I was worth fighting for.
I gave the drawing on my lap a forlorn glance and tossed