stage where MONTFLEURY is waiting in terror] As I was saying, it is my wish to see the stage cured of this tumor. Otherwise ... [Claps hand to his sword.] the lancet!
MONTFLEURY I...
CYRANO [gets down from his chair, and sits in the space that has become vacant around him, with the ease of one at home] Thrice will I clap my . hands, O plenilune!18 At the third clap ... eclipse!
THE PIT [diverted] Ah! ...
CYRANO [clapping his hands] One! ...
MONTFLEURY I...
A VOICE [from one of the boxes] Do not go! ...
THE PIT He will stay! ... He will go! ...
MONTFLEURY Messieurs, I feel ...
CYRANO Two! ...
MONTFLEURY I feel it will perhaps be wiser ...
CYRANO Three! ...
[MONTFLEURY disappears, as if through a trap-door. Storm of laughter, hissing, catcalls.]
THE HOUSE Hoo! ... Hoo! ... Milk-sop! : .. Come back! ... CYRANO [beaming, leans back in his chair and crosses his legs] Let him come back, if he dare!
A BURGHER The spokesman of the company!
[BELLEROSE comes forward on the stage and bows]
THE BOXES Ah, there comes Bellerose!
BELLEROSE [with elegant bearing and diction] Noble ladies and gentlemen ...
THE PIT No! No! Jodelet! ... We want Jodelet! ...
JODELET [comes forward, speaks through his nose] Pack of swine! THE PIT That is right! ... Well said! ... Bravo!
JODELET Don’t bravo me! ... The portly tragedian, whose paunch is your delight, felt sick! ...
THE PIT He is a poltroon! ...
JODELET He was obliged to leave ...
THE PIT Let him come back!
SOME No!
OTHERS Yes! ...
AYOUTH [to CYRANO] But, when all is said, monsieur, what good grounds have you for hating Montfleury?
CYRANO [amiably, sitting as before] Young gosling, I have two, whereof each, singly, would be ample. Primo: He is an execrable actor, who bellows, and with grunts that would disgrace a water-carrier launches the verse that should go forth as if on pinions ! ... Secundo: is my secret.
THE OLD BURGHER [behind CYRANO] But without compunction you deprive us of hearing La Clorise. I am determined ...
CYRANO [turning his chair around so as to face the old gentleman; respectfully] Venerable mule, old Baro’s verses being what they are, I do it without compunction, as you say.
THE PRECIEUSES [in the boxes] Ha! ... Ho! ... Our own
Baro! ... My dear, did you hear that? How can such a thing be said? ... Ha! ... Ho! ...
CYRANO [turning his chair so as to face the boxes; gallantly] Beautiful creatures, do you bloom and shine, be ministers of dreams, your smiles our anodyne. Inspire poets, but poems ... spare to judge!
BELLEROSE But the money which must be given back at the door!
CYRANO [turning his chair to face the stage] Bellerose, you have said the only intelligent thing that has, as yet, been said! Far from me to wrong by so much as a fringe the worshipful mantle of Thespis.... [He rises and flings a bag upon the stage.] Catch! ... and keep quiet!
THE HOUSE [dazzled] Ah! ... Oh! ...
JODELET [nimbly picking up the bag, weighing it with his hand] For such a price, you are authorized, monsieur, to come and stop the performance every day!
THE HOUSE Hoo! ... Hoo! ...
JODELET Should we be hooted in a body! ...
BELLEROSE The house must be evacuated!
JODELET Evacuate it!
[The audience begins to leave; CYRANO looking on with a satisfied air. The crowd, however, becoming interested in the following scene, the exodus is suspended. The women in the boxes who were already standing and had put on their wraps, stop to listen and end by resuming their seats.]
LE BRET [to CYRANO] What you have done ... is mad!
A BORE Montfleury! ... the eminent actor! ... What a scandal ! ... But the Duc de Candale is his patron! ... Have you a patron, you?
CYRANO No!
THE BORE You have not.
CYRANO No!
THE BORE What?You are not protected by some great nobleman under the cover of whose name....
CYRANO [exasperated] No, I have told you twice. Must I say the same thing thrice? No, I have no protector ... [hand on sword] but this will do.
THE BORE Then, of course, you will leave town.
CYRANO That will depend.
THE BORE But the Duc de Candale has a long arm ...
CYRANO Not so long as mine ... [pointing to his sword] pieced out with this!
THE BORE But you cannot have the presumption ...
CYRANO I can, yes.
THE BORE But ...
CYRANO And now ... face about!
THE BORE But ...
CYRANO Face about, I say ... or else, tell me why you are looking at my nose.
THE BORE [bewildered] I ...
CYRANO [advancing upon him] In what is