told us we had to wear very fine tights or stockings, and three-inch heels at least. Not fun for waitressing, but OK, I am used to heels, for me it was no problem. And then we were ready. The evening started at seven with a champagne reception.’
‘How many men were there? What was the occasion?’
She shook her head. ‘Two hundred? I think it was a special summer party or a celebration. I don’t know. There was a big cake, I remember. Huge. Everyone was drinking a lot, shouting, cheering. The men, they started out polite, but they were watching us, and talking about us. We could all tell. You always know.’
I nodded. ‘So you were uneasy.’
‘A little. But a big group of men, they talk about sex. Always. So.’ She looked uncomfortable. ‘They were young, some of them. Handsome. Very rich. We were flirting, you understand? Playing games with them? It wasn’t difficult. We were all thinking of the tips at the end of the night. Some of them pinched bums or groped us because it was crowded where the reception was. We warned each other who to avoid. I was black and blue, but I kept smiling, smiling, like I was having fun.’
‘Of course,’ Bianca said warmly. ‘That’s what you do.’
‘I couldn’t lose the job, you see. I wanted to work more. I thought I had to do it.’ She shivered. ‘One of them said he would give me a hundred pounds if I kissed him on the cheek. I wasn’t sure but I said OK, and when I went to kiss him he grabbed me and put his tongue in my mouth.’
‘Did you complain?’ Bianca asked.
She laughed. ‘Who to? The general didn’t care. Anyway, I had said yes. He gave me the money afterwards and I felt horrible. Like a whore.’
‘He tricked you,’ I said. ‘That wasn’t what you agreed to.’
‘No, but I was stupid to say yes.’ Her face crumpled. ‘I behaved like I was OK with it. They thought – well, maybe they didn’t care. But I felt it was my fault, what happened later.’
‘What happened later?’ I asked gently.
‘It was after the main course. We had served. One of them had put his hand in between my legs and I couldn’t stop myself – I spoke to him sharply. He said he was sorry.’ She shuddered. ‘He looked so angry with me. But one of the other men, an older man, he told me I was right. Some of them were kind. I was so upset I needed a minute to myself. I ran out to find the bathroom. There were two young men in the hall, and I asked them if they knew where it was. I was confused. I hadn’t been there before, and I didn’t know how to get to the staff area.’
I waited, but Antoinette didn’t go on. She was sitting very still, her eyes fixed on the table, and she was trembling. At last she said, ‘I should have asked one of the other waitresses. My fault. I remember one of them laughing. The other said, “Yes, I know where it is. Come this way. I’ll show you.” He brought me to a door and said, “Here it is.” I said, “Are you sure?” and he opened the door. The other one was behind me and he shoved me inside. It was full of coats, and dark. They put a coat over my head and wrapped it around, tight. Then they pushed me against other coats and I screamed as loud as I could, but no one heard. They took turns with me. I couldn’t fight – they were behind me and I think one held me down while the other one did what he wanted. I was so scared. I thought I would die. There was no air. I went limp, as if I’d fainted – I thought that might make them stop, even if I couldn’t fight.’ She smiled bitterly. ‘They didn’t stop. Not until they were both finished.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ I said, appalled. ‘I’m so, so sorry. But it wasn’t your fault.’
‘I should have known.’
‘You couldn’t have. You were there to work. You should have been safe.’ I pushed my own anger down because it wasn’t helpful, not then, but I knew it would resurface later. These men and their entitlement. ‘Did they speak to you afterwards?’
She shook her head. ‘They left me in the room, in the dark. I got dressed again – my tights were