my way here when you sent your message. No reception on the Tube.’ He waggled his phone at me apologetically.
‘Oh.’ I looked at Derwent and then at Seth. ‘Well. I said I’d go for a drink with the team.’ I slightly stressed the last two words, as if that would help. The others had moved away, though I knew everyone was watching this little stand-off.
Seth nodded. ‘Right.’
‘I didn’t know about dinner.’
‘No, of course you didn’t.’
‘You could come to the pub with us, Seth,’ Derwent said. I looked at him, wary, noting the glint in his eye that was pure trouble. He was still on edge, and volatile as a result. What he would like more than anything else was a fight, I thought uneasily. But he sounded pleasant enough. ‘If you wanted to join us, that is.’
‘I don’t think so, mate.’
‘Mate?’ Derwent laughed. ‘OK.’
I stepped between them and turned to face Derwent, my temper rising. ‘I know you’ve had a tough day, but don’t take it out on him.’
‘It’s OK, Maeve.’ Seth put his hand on my arm and gave it a quick, reassuring squeeze. ‘If you want to go out with your team, go. You can call me later to let me know you’ve got home.’
‘There you go. You’ve got permission now,’ Derwent said and I caught my breath.
‘I wasn’t waiting for permission and I’m not going anywhere with you. As if I would, after that.’
His eyes narrowed. ‘After what, exactly?’
If he wanted a row, he could have one with me. ‘After you behaved like a complete twat.’
‘Language.’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘I must say, it’s good to know where your loyalties lie.’
‘Are you really surprised that I’d rather go out for dinner with my boyfriend and have a nice time than go to the pub and listen to you sneering at me for a few hours?’
Derwent shook his head. ‘If you want to make bad choices, I’m not going to stop you.’
‘As if you could.’ I was trembling from sheer rage.
‘I’m not sure I like being called a bad choice,’ Seth said from behind me.
‘I’m not sure there’s a word to describe how little I care about what you like,’ Derwent snapped without breaking my gaze.
Thanks for making this easy for me, I thought, and stepped away from him towards Seth. ‘Dinner would be lovely.’ To Derwent, I said, ‘You lot will have to manage without me.’
He was walking away already, beckoning to the rest of the team as he went, hurt filling the air around him like smoke. ‘Let’s go.’
The lobby seemed very big and very empty after they’d gone. Seth looked at me.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Why should you apologise? It wasn’t your fault.’
‘I shouldn’t have come here.’
‘I’m glad you did.’ I stepped closer to him and he put his arms around me. ‘Let’s just go home.’
‘Sure? What about dinner?’
‘I don’t really feel like it.’
‘We can get a takeaway.’
I was far too upset to eat anything, but I nodded, and smiled, and kissed him. It was so like him to be kind about it, when my anger was choking me. Not for the first time, I had the feeling that he was far too good for me.
8
‘How did you get here?’
How did I get here? The question floored me because it was so familiar. It was the phrase that had been repeating in my head ever since the previous evening: all the way to Seth’s flat on a rattling Tube train, and for endless hours where I tried to put the argument with Derwent out of my head, and then later as I waited hopelessly for sleep while Seth snored beside me. I would have been the subject of conversation in the pub, I knew, and hated it. Speculation about the state of my relationship. Liv delivering her opinion of my boyfriend in short, trenchant sentences. Derwent, scathing about how biddable I’d been, exorcising his anger about the poor dead baby by sneering at me. There would have been laughter at how I’d sprung to Seth’s defence, at how touchy I was, how easily Derwent had got under my skin.
But I should have been happier to be with Seth than with them, and I didn’t feel that way at all as I stared into the darkness of Seth’s bedroom.
It was ridiculous to be irritated that he was so attentive to me. What sort of girlfriend complained that her boyfriend wanted to spend the evening with her? What sort of person was so ungrateful for love and devotion? I felt