Carla says, waving at the camera and smiling.
I can’t help wondering how much this guy had to pay Carla to do this.
“Have you ever squirted before, Carla?”
She shakes her head. “Nope.”
I don’t believe her for a second.
“Do you want to?”
“I sure do.” She smiles at the camera. “What woman doesn’t?”
I smirk. Well, my wife, for one.
“Well, then, let’s do it, shall we?” Mr. Squirt says.
Carla stands and undresses unceremoniously, while Mr. I-Can-Make-Any-Woman-Squirt stays fully dressed, and then the two of them sit down together on the edge of a bed.
Mr. Squirt turns to the camera again. “I’m going to show you everything I just talked about, step by step. But, first, I’m gonna kiss her and touch her skin lightly, just to get her pussy aching for me. Once I’ve got her good and wet and throbbing, then I’ll finger her the way I just explained to you a minute ago.” He holds up his hand. “To recap: I’ll use my middle and index fingers right on that spot I was telling you about, and I’ll stroke it in a ‘come hither’ motion—like this.” He demonstrates in the air. He turns to Carla. “Ready to squirt all over the bed, Carla?”
“I sure am.” She grins sheepishly.
Mr. Squirt proceeds to kiss Carla, slowly stroking her arms and bare back and face as he does, and the woman’s nipples visibly harden under the stimulation. I can almost smell her pussy getting wet for him through the screen. Or, hell, maybe she’s just a great actress.
After a couple minutes, Mr. Squirt stops kissing Carla and looks at the camera. “Guys, take a note. Women really need foreplay—and lots of it. You can’t just shove your hand up inside her and expect her to be ready for you. Pro tip: women respond particularly well to kissing as foreplay.” He winks again.
Jesus. Give me a fucking break. I roll my eyes. Is there a man alive that really needs this explained to him? For fuck’s sake, I should click out of this horseshit right now. But I don’t. I can’t. I’m fixated on the screen. God help me, I’ve gotta see for myself if Carla’s gonna blow or not.
After a bit more kissing and stroking Carla’s bare torso and nipples, the guy finally slides his hand inside Carla, making her moan, and, thirty seconds later, holy motherfucking shit, she arches her back and shoots so much cum out of her pussy, it’s like he’s shoved a fire hose up there and turned it onto high.
“Holy motherfucker,” I say out loud, leaning toward the screen.
“Oh my God,” Carla blurts, looking genuinely shocked at the massive stream of ejaculation erupting from her body.
Mr. Squirt looks at the screen and flashes a shit-eating grin. “And that’s how to do it, fellas. Every fucking time.”
Carla looks at the guy and then at the camera. “Oh my God,” she says softly, beaming. “Amazing.”
“You wanna do it again, honey?” he asks her.
Carla nods vigorously.
And, by God, he does it to her again. Within a minute. Jesus Christ.
Okay, fuck me. This is fucking impossible. Obviously, the whole thing is rigged. A total farce. I mean, there’s no doubt Carla actually squirted (twice!) right before my eyes—I don’t think that was, like, digital special effects or something—but there’s no way this was her first time. No way. Obviously, this woman’s one of those rare specimens who squirts as easily as she sneezes. The woman must be able to charm her Skene’s gland like a snake charmer on a cobra.
“That was pretty awesome, huh?” Mr. Squirt-Master says. He’s alone on-screen now. “One hundred percent real, too. I bet some of you are thinking I’m pulling a fast one here, though, aren’t you? You’re thinking maybe Carla is a porn star and squirts for a living or something?” He chuckles. “Wrong. What I just demonstrated was Carla’s very first squirt, unless she was lying to me, I suppose. But, regardless, it doesn’t matter. Because this will work on any woman, no matter who she is—whether it’s her first time or one hundredth. The only requirement is that the woman’s got to be turned on. And it helps if she actually wants to squirt, too. I mean, obviously, you can’t just shove your hands up some old lady in the grocery store line and make her squirt.”
I wince. Jesus.
“You should try to get your girl pretty ramped up and turned on before you even attempt the squirt. So, like I say, don’t skimp on the foreplay.