gave me a crooked smile. “That stuff goes down smooth, but it sneaks up on you, doesn’t it? I think I’d better chase it with a glass of water or two. Do you want me to bring you some?”
The dull pain of my headache had been swallowed up by the surge of horror. I pushed myself upright, keeping the sheet clutched tight to my chest—because, naturally, I was naked too. The nausea unfurled up through my chest to the base of my throat.
How could I have—? I should have stopped drinking. I should have told him to go.
But I’d wanted him and the way he made me feel, and screw the rest of it. Oh, God. Just like—
My hands gripped the sheet tighter, and Noah paused, studying me with closer attention. “Are you all right? You drifted off, and I was worried I’d wake you up if I left, and I guess I dozed off too. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
I swallowed a raw laugh. As if startling me was the problem.
No, I was not all right. I hadn’t had the highest opinion of myself before this, but at least I’d been able to say I’d never outright taken advantage of someone who deserved better. I’d just proven exactly why he should never have given a shit about someone like me.
“This shouldn’t have happened,” I said. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking—not that that’s an excuse—”
Noah’s eyebrows had drawn together. I fixed my gaze on the wardrobe beyond the end of the bed, but I could still see his handsome face at the edge of my vision.
“What are you talking about?” he said. “You’ve got nothing to apologize for. I wanted this—I thought I made that pretty damn clear last night.”
“That’s not the point. I’m your TA. I’ve been—I’ve been tutoring you. I’m two years older than you, and in a position of responsibility, and I should never have—”
“Hold on.” Noah raised his hands, interrupting me. “For starters, you just had your birthday in June, didn’t you? And I’m turning twenty in November, so you’re not even a whole year and a half older than me. And no one would blink at even two years—hell, four or five—if I were the older one. And TAing is only a tiny step up from one classmate helping another out. It’s not like you’re a professor twice my age.”
I pulled my knees up to my chest, resisting the urge to hug them. “That’s not how the school rules look at it. If any of the professors found out, they wouldn’t give me a free pass.”
“They’re not going to find out. I’m not going to tell them. Who else is going to know—your familiar?” He attempted another smile, but it came out even more lopsided than the first one. “Things like this happen. Hell, you know how by-the-rules my brother is, and even though he’s never admitted it, it’s pretty obvious he and Rory had something going before he stepped down from his TA position. When even the barons don’t have a foot to stand on in criticizing you…”
All that talk was supposed to make me feel better, but it didn’t, not even a little. Those were just excuses, a way to wave aside the fact that I’d let selfish desires override what I knew was right.
I couldn’t undo what had already happened, though. I just had to make sure it didn’t happen again. Once could almost be an accident, even if it made me queasier framing it that way. Twice, there’d be no denying what it meant about me.
“I don’t think I should have broken that rule, regardless of what anyone else did.” I forced myself to look at him again, keeping my gaze carefully trained on his face and not the delectable planes of that body I’d so enjoyed against me last night. “We shouldn’t see each other outside of class anymore. If you actually want more help with your illusion casting, I’m sure Professor Burnbuck would be happy to give you some tutorials personally.”
Noah stared back at me, seeming momentarily stunned. I guessed girls didn’t normally kick him out of bed quite that emphatically. The thought of all the other girls he might have been with before—might be with after this too—jabbed at my gut, but I ignored the unearned jealousy.
“You don’t have to do this,” he said. “I swear I won’t tell anyone what happened last night. If you feel that strongly about it, we can go back to how